When it rains, it pours right??? So, what's the opposite - when it's dry it's arid??
Well, taking this image and running with it - I know my blog has been festering in the virtual diary doldrums as of late (the past three months), so I think its about time it got a little rain. A little winter (golden) shower (oooh, how you guys have missed me eh??). Mwah.
So, Fuku-fukin-yama eh. I think I was a lil judgemental in deciding this place was a shithole. Especially as I hadn't even been here, when I decided to call it that. Although it is a shithole, its my shithole now beyatch and if you wanna say differently, let's meet outside the internet caff in 5 minutes and bring ya brass knuckles, twat.
Much to tell I dunno where to start - a smorgasbord (???crap) of experiences that I have to try and put into words. I'm gonna try and bring you up to speed real quik.
Fukuyama.
Major players
Ms Thang & Nozzabella - I know they don't live in Fukuyama but I still miss them like shit everyday. Like sooo much.
Ness - aka Ms Truly Scrumptious, aka Thkye. The girl I hang out with the most cos she's super fun and lets me wear her clothes and jewelry. I also like the way she thinks. We've been told on two seperate occasions that people like hanging out with us cos they can let their potty mouths fly. Suckers, don't you kno we just go home and take the piss outta u??? A girl as bad as me.
Yoppi - my manager. We work together and play together which makes for a happy Eikaiwa family. Real cute girl. With a filthy mouth (can u see the pattern developin??? I really need to branch out and make friends with girls who aren't cussy mouthed cuties. On seconds thoughts, fuk it). She's Japanese and doesn't really speak English but loves tryin. Recently, her most used English phrase (on seeing a guy she thinks is cute), "I just dropped a gusher in my knickers". Love it.
Dirk - This American lad has only been in the Fuk(say Foook as in Fukuyama) for about two months or so but is making his mark on our social circle owing to the fact he loves pissin it up and 'avin a laff as much as the rest of us.
And then there's the dearly departed, who have left the Fuk for pastures new.
Leah - I miss this girl. Now bak in Canada just starting a new job. Cute as. Looked like a (much much much) younger Bette Midler. Had some super fun nights pissin it up at Charlies and hittin on boys. Come bak!!!!! Those were the days eh babe, Thriller, Banzai, Black or White, 24.
Sweetie ja nai - the girl who used to work with me. Now bak in Australia about to start a new job in January and I still miss her. Really freakin cool and the biggest laff to be around. I was super happy cos we got on so well (I was worried before I came that I wouldn't get on with my co-worker at all) and Im soo gonna keep in touch and make the trip over to Oz to visit her as soon as I can.
Supportin Cast (ie Guys that have been tried and tested. By me. Or my friends. Or both.)
Tripod - very short guy that I met and did the dirty with. I think you can work out why he's called what he's called (And before you say, "Ooooh but Japanese guys have......." send me a mail and I'll send you the photos).
RatFink - A guy that I used to have the hugest crush on and had the cutest dreads. Then he went to India and had them cut off, and like Samson, lost all his lust inducing power over me.
Implants - a really cool cute Japanese guy that I met. Super cool tatoos too. Met him one night and we talked about his tatoos (oooohh), the time he spent in prison (six years) (double oooooh) and his girl (shit). Im a sucker (literally) for bad boys and wanted him so bad but I've also met his girl and she's super nice. Although when I got home that night, I saw that he'd emailed me while I'd been in the taxi coming home. He just wanted to say Goodnight. And send me a picture of his penis (which displayed to fine advantage, five of the nine implants that he has down there). If he ever splits up with his girl, I'll let u kno how they feel (tapioca I'm thinking. Although friends that saw the photo in question have all uniformly said it looks warty, or ewwww or just simply vomited. But I would loooove to know).
Charles - a cool Japanese bartender guy that owns a bar and evrybody has a crush on.
TastesLikeCider Man - A cute guy that has some serious issues. One of my friends had a crush on him for the longest time and they finally hit it off one night, when bak to her house and he acted like a complete loon. The perfect poster child for why men suk.
Mr DontThinkJustFeel - A guy that I've thought about as my fallbak guy for a while (ie if I got horny/desperate/drunk enough I'd do him). Until I realised I was his fallbak guy too. No. Just No. Don't think just feel this, beyatch. Plus he has truly heinous teeth. What in gay hell was I thinkin??
END I think I've included enough people for now, there a still a whole heap more but I got kinda tired and have to meet my friend at the curry place down the road. I'll write another blog soon as I get the chance. Promise.
This is it. My working life as an ALT is finishing in about 15 minutes. 3 years have flown by. Feels like 3 minutes. How does that happen??
It's my last day at my school, Hamasho. And of all the things to get upset about, the one thing that did make me super emotional was taking my photographs from on top of my desk and putting them in my bag. Already my apartment feels like someones elses and now my desk too. Well, I guess they are.
Saying goodbye to all the teachers and the students, walking around one last time. It's really emotional. It's weird to think that this is the last time I'm gonna use the computer, the last time I sit in my chair at my desk, the last time I get some coffee from the pot, the last time I sit down with the teachers and have a bitch. It all feels too final. Too abrupt. How do you say goodbye to a place and to people that have meant so much to you, made such an important impact on your life without seeming like a wanker?? These people may not know how important they are to me, in fact they probably don't know how much they've helped me, the influence that they've had. But they have.
How do you say 'Thank you for turning up at my house drunk because you'd lost your house keys and falling into my kitchen and just laying there and saying its OK you'll be fine in a minute' because it started an amazing friendship with an amazing and strong woman and collegue. A friendship that I will always remember.
How do you say 'Thank you for sitting down with me and drinking coffee and complaining about men and stress and life and shit everyday' because it gave me a sense of belonging and solidarity with a bunch of fantastic women and fantastic collegues.
How do you say 'Thank you for coming to my Leaving Party even though I never speak to you really yet you made the time to come and tell me nice things' because it made me feel appreciated, part of something, important.
Too many memories, too many emotions, too little time, too little words.
Thank you everybody so much for everything, I'll always remember this experience because of you doesn't seem enough somehow.
I read somewhere that words can sully the communication and expression of emotion and feeling. That sometimes silence speaks the words that language cannot.
So for Hamasho, for the amazing incredible people here and for the students that have made my time here worth it, made me feel like I am making a difference no matter how small or irrelevant, I hope this says everything I want to say, I hope you understand.
Scary is the shit, if ya kno what I mean. I love all that crap - ghosts, vampires, weird stuff etc etc. So I was looking on YouTube for ghost videos and came across this.
I don't know if its a real ghost or not but at one point you can see a faint smudge or image or something on the video. But you have to look kinda close to see it.
Lemme kno if you can see it or not, and what you see. I think it might be a person.
Yesterday I watched some episodes from Sex & The City for like the ten millionth time, and they could still make me laugh. Here's some of my favorite bits:
Miranda: I just don't get it. Why do men get skidmarks? Is it laziness or are they just in a rush? Carrie: I don't know, but whatever it is it goes hand in hand with urinating on the seat. Miranda: I tell you one thing: when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his ass, that's the end of romance right there.
Charlotte: What kind of diet book are you looking for? Miranda: I don't know. Something with a title like 'How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.'
K this ones for you! Stanford: Before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge. Carrie: Do I judge? Stanford: We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts; we judge.
Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too-Big! Carrie: You broke up with your last boyfriend because he was too small, now this one's too big. Who are you, Goldie-Cocks?
Carrie: How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu? Miranda: I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!' Carrie: Who is this guy? Miranda: Who's the woman who loved it? Samantha: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it! Carrie: Bingo!
Samantha (on BS feminist book 'The Rules'): The women who wrote that bookâthey wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad
Charlotte: I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me, and if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl because, I mean, men don't marry the up-the-butt girl. Who's ever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?
Aight, she's Japanese and so theres gonna be that cultural wire-crossing thing and misunderstandings.
But, now I really think she's a few Fruity Loops short of a packet of cereal if you know what I mean.
Heres where the story starts:
We've been friends for a while but we hadn't hung out together or got close or anything. Then, one night we did - and I thought she was the shit. Our views about a lotta stuff, including boys, dating, drinking and smoking seemed pretty similar and we had a right laugh.
So I invited her to come out drinking again with a different set of Japanese friends - including a guy that I really liked. We were all at the bar and she asked me what I thought of him, "Aight", I said for some stupid reason, event though my insides were churning. "Weeellll", she said, "He's not my type". I relaxed a lil bit cos he's a cute guy and she's a cute gal and I thought maybe 2 + 2 could end up being 5 that night. I really do like him and I'm being such a coward by not making a move or even asking if he's gay. But I don't think I really wanna kno - when we hang out he's sucha sweetie and kind and considerate and I like that, I dun wanna spoil it. Its nice, esp being in Japan, in a situation where I seem to crave closeness to people.
We left that bar, and as we left he held my hand (this is the kinda 'nice' stuff I'm on about). And we were kinda close just walking slowly behind the others, just talking and taking an interest in each other. Then we get to the other bar and keep sending emails back and forth to each other even though we're sitting at the same table. My 'crazy' friend noticed and said to me, "You really do like him, don't you??". I just smiled.
Then we went to karaoke. Me and the guy I like(d) were really touchy feeling just sitting reall close to each other and I was stroking his hair etc. Then we started play wrestling and I pulled up his shirt and bit him up the back (not hard, it was just messin). Then when we sat back up I had my hand under his shirt on his chest. This sounds really sordid, but it wasn't it was sweet and although it doesn't sound it, not that sexual at all. I think we were both looking for that physical contact with someone, with anyone.
My 'crazy' friend had been acting kinda irritable and after the wrestling she oushed between us and told us to stop mucking about. Then she kept moving closer and closer to him. I was a little pissed offcos even tho I said I didnt like him, it was obvious I did. If I was her I wouldnt have put the moves on him.
Anyhow, we leave karaoke and she gets me alone and says to me, "Yes, he really is my type. I really wanna sleep with him". We all went to get taxis and she wangled her way into the taxi with the guy I like and his friend. I was pissed off cos I thought she was outta order, but this thinkin has got me into trouble in tha past, cos if he isnt gay, he isnt gay, no matter how hot I am, y'kno, so I just tried to deal with it. The next day she emails me to say that she really tried to sleep with him but he said no. Then she keeps emailing me over the next weeks to ask me when Im going out drinking with him again, that she really really likes him, that although shes sent him a ton of emails he's stopped replying (which, in my book speaks volumes).
Also thinking about it, the night we first hung out she was with her really fit friend from Tokyo. He was a super nice guy and he told me to email him when I went to Tokyo so we could hang out. I really did like him and there seemed to be a spark of something there. When I said this to her she said, "No!". She said she loved both of us but if we got together then she would be jealous, so we totally could not do that.
I thought it was just flukey, a complete coincidence, the jealousy, the liking the same guys as me. But something happened thats made me question this.
Last weekend I was out with a different guy that I really like. When I was seeing him off at the taxi, she happened to step out of a different taxi and we all stood around talking for a few minutes. And then he left. Me and her went to a different bar and, suprise suprise, we start talking about guys. She asks me about the guy she just met and I told her that, yeh I like him a lot but the situation is kinda difficult. "Yeh, he is really nice," she said. I though this was a lol bit weird at the time cos she'd only just met him, and only for 3 minutes at most, so how could she tell he was a nice guy. Then she said next time when we go drinking I should invite him. Well, whatever, anyway, last night she sent me an email asking me about this guy. I said the same thing - that I really like him but the situation is difficult. She reponded by saying that he was a really nice guy and as long as I was happy, she was happy and if I liked him and he liked me, wasn't that good? I asked my friend what she meant cos I didnt know the kanji that she used very well. And the clear implocation of what she said, along with the crying faces that she used in the mail (>_<) was that she would give up on him. The suggestion was that she really liked him too, but if I was interested then she would stop being interested even though she thought he was amazing. All of this after literally only speaking to him in a group (so not even him directly) for all of 2, 3 mins.
My Japanese friend that I talked to about this said that it seemed like she was in love with me. To me, it seems a little bit like jealousy or something. But whatever it is, its starting to get a lil creepy, a lil uncomfortable.
I just can't understand it!! I just can't!! I can't!! (I say flouncing around. If you ain't been watching BB7 UK then you ain't gonna understand any of that. Fool).
Last week I watched Elf. Yes, the movie. Yes, with Will Farrell. And yes, it's a comedy. It's also incredibly cheesy.
Yet, at the end of that movie I was bawling. Real,self pity party sobs and snotting.
Yuk. But since then I've been so emotional. Everything seems to set me off. When teaching today, I was thinking about the real quiet girl in the class that doesn't seem to have any friends and I could feel myself welling up. Talking about leaving with my supervisor, I started feeling teary and in true I am a diva fashion, turned towards the window to hide my face and the tears that I felt were coming (they didnt by the way. I managed to control myself for once).
Also, there was a buncha guys at the school walking thru all the classrooms. I though they had come to earthquake proof the school (altho looking bak this seems a stupid presumption as nobody, not them or any of the other teachers had told me or even given me the impression that that was what they had come to do). When talking about the earthquake proofing guys to my supervisor (we both thought one guy in particular was fine as)she looked at me for a second and then said, "Nathan, who are you talking about??".
In turned out that they weren't here to earthquake proof the school, but for a different reason. Ooooooooh, yes, a much different reason..........
Get this........
They had come to my school because between now and the beginning of August my school is installing air conditioning units in every single classroom.
So after two years of freezing my mr man tits off in the winter and sweating it up in the sauna cum classroom cum Hell on Earth in the summer, the new ALT (Assistant Language Teacher at my school is gonna be able to enjoy comfortable teaching temperatures all year round. Bastard.
It was enough to make me cry. But it didn't. Quite.
I think I must be pregnant. Over emotionality, cravings for carbs, intense sleepiness and lack of interest that doesn't involve all of the above. Plus the increased bust size and swollen ankles.
Well, thats my excuse anyway.....and Im frickin stickin to it. Bitches.
In my Third Grade Reading class today, we looked at some of the differences in American and British English.
On this subject, the paragraph in textbook we are studying reads,
" In Japan, there is a kind of undeclared language war between British and American English. Of course, I'm British myself and I feel there is only ONE kind of English and that MUST come from England".
It seems a lil bit half-arsed - implying that Britain IS England, when In Fact the UK is four seperate COUNTRIES. One of the teachers had also seen this sentence when she was teaching her Reading class at the same time and she said to me afterwards that some lazy Japanese person must have written it. Or an American.
I agree that it was someone that lacked knowledge about the UK but I wouldn't necessarily say it must be a lazy Japanese or American person - it could be anyone of any nationality (although to be fair out of all the foreigners I've met in Japan, Americans are the most likely not to have heard of Wales (discounting the Japanese)).
It really pisses me of when all the countries in the UK get lumped together so I asked the girls to think back and tell me how many countries were in the UK and the names of them. With some ummming and ahhing they came up with the number 4 (as an answer to how many countries) and managed to correctly name 3 of the 4 countries.
But they couldnt remember Wales even though I kept asking them where I was from. Eventually they asked me (afte I gave them the clue that it begins with "W"):
"Are you from War?" "Are you from Wet?" "Are you from Wash?" "Are you from Walls?"
Word for word, basically they were just shouting out any word starting with W that they could think of, although one girl seemed to shouting out random things even when I reitterated to her that it began with "W" and even after I wrote down the name of the place for her.
It was super funny.
Surprisingly the students knew why they had to study American English - I only found out from Ms. U. T. Fist the other day that its because when America invaded Japan during the war they completely overhauled the Japanese Educational system and used American English (pronunciation, grammar and words) as the basis for English education. One of the girls started worrying that if they went to any other country people wouldn't understand what she was saying because she spoke American.
To allay her fears I then taught the class how to speak in an upper crust British accent and use the word chi-chi to describe everything.
Its not the American thang shes gotta worry about...........
