Pop Bitch

2006-12-29T17:29:00.000+09:00

When it rains, it pours right??? So, what's the opposite - when it's dry it's arid??

Well, taking this image and running with it - I know my blog has been festering in the virtual diary doldrums as of late (the past three months), so I think its about time it got a little rain. A little winter (golden) shower (oooh, how you guys have missed me eh??). Mwah.

So, Fuku-fukin-yama eh. I think I was a lil judgemental in deciding this place was a shithole. Especially as I hadn't even been here, when I decided to call it that. Although it is a shithole, its my shithole now beyatch and if you wanna say differently, let's meet outside the internet caff in 5 minutes and bring ya brass knuckles, twat.

Much to tell I dunno where to start - a smorgasbord (???crap) of experiences that I have to try and put into words. I'm gonna try and bring you up to speed real quik.

Fukuyama.

Major players

Ms Thang & Nozzabella - I know they don't live in Fukuyama but I still miss them like shit everyday. Like sooo much.

Ness - aka Ms Truly Scrumptious, aka Thkye. The girl I hang out with the most cos she's super fun and lets me wear her clothes and jewelry. I also like the way she thinks. We've been told on two seperate occasions that people like hanging out with us cos they can let their potty mouths fly. Suckers, don't you kno we just go home and take the piss outta u??? A girl as bad as me.

Yoppi - my manager. We work together and play together which makes for a happy Eikaiwa family. Real cute girl. With a filthy mouth (can u see the pattern developin??? I really need to branch out and make friends with girls who aren't cussy mouthed cuties. On seconds thoughts, fuk it). She's Japanese and doesn't really speak English but loves tryin. Recently, her most used English phrase (on seeing a guy she thinks is cute), "I just dropped a gusher in my knickers". Love it.

Dirk - This American lad has only been in the Fuk(say Foook as in Fukuyama) for about two months or so but is making his mark on our social circle owing to the fact he loves pissin it up and 'avin a laff as much as the rest of us.

And then there's the dearly departed, who have left the Fuk for pastures new.

Leah - I miss this girl. Now bak in Canada just starting a new job. Cute as. Looked like a (much much much) younger Bette Midler. Had some super fun nights pissin it up at Charlies and hittin on boys. Come bak!!!!! Those were the days eh babe, Thriller, Banzai, Black or White, 24.

Sweetie ja nai - the girl who used to work with me. Now bak in Australia about to start a new job in January and I still miss her. Really freakin cool and the biggest laff to be around. I was super happy cos we got on so well (I was worried before I came that I wouldn't get on with my co-worker at all) and Im soo gonna keep in touch and make the trip over to Oz to visit her as soon as I can.

Supportin Cast (ie Guys that have been tried and tested. By me. Or my friends. Or both.)

Tripod - very short guy that I met and did the dirty with. I think you can work out why he's called what he's called (And before you say, "Ooooh but Japanese guys have......." send me a mail and I'll send you the photos).

RatFink - A guy that I used to have the hugest crush on and had the cutest dreads. Then he went to India and had them cut off, and like Samson, lost all his lust inducing power over me.

Implants - a really cool cute Japanese guy that I met. Super cool tatoos too. Met him one night and we talked about his tatoos (oooohh), the time he spent in prison (six years) (double oooooh) and his girl (shit). Im a sucker (literally) for bad boys and wanted him so bad but I've also met his girl and she's super nice. Although when I got home that night, I saw that he'd emailed me while I'd been in the taxi coming home. He just wanted to say Goodnight. And send me a picture of his penis (which displayed to fine advantage, five of the nine implants that he has down there). If he ever splits up with his girl, I'll let u kno how they feel (tapioca I'm thinking. Although friends that saw the photo in question have all uniformly said it looks warty, or ewwww or just simply vomited. But I would loooove to know).

Charles - a cool Japanese bartender guy that owns a bar and evrybody has a crush on.

TastesLikeCider Man - A cute guy that has some serious issues. One of my friends had a crush on him for the longest time and they finally hit it off one night, when bak to her house and he acted like a complete loon. The perfect poster child for why men suk.

Mr DontThinkJustFeel - A guy that I've thought about as my fallbak guy for a while (ie if I got horny/desperate/drunk enough I'd do him). Until I realised I was his fallbak guy too. No. Just No. Don't think just feel this, beyatch. Plus he has truly heinous teeth. What in gay hell was I thinkin??

END

I think I've included enough people for now, there a still a whole heap more but I got kinda tired and have to meet my friend at the curry place down the road. I'll write another blog soon as I get the chance. Promise.

Peace out, beyatches.

Peace Out Beyatches....

2006-07-28T14:14:00.000+09:00

Too much fun makes me feel sick....
Originally uploaded by natcas.

This is it.
My working life as an ALT is finishing in about 15 minutes. 3 years have flown by. Feels like 3 minutes. How does that happen??

It's my last day at my school, Hamasho. And of all the things to get upset about, the one thing that did make me super emotional was taking my photographs from on top of my desk and putting them in my bag. Already my apartment feels like someones elses and now my desk too. Well, I guess they are.

Saying goodbye to all the teachers and the students, walking around one last time. It's really emotional. It's weird to think that this is the last time I'm gonna use the computer, the last time I sit in my chair at my desk, the last time I get some coffee from the pot, the last time I sit down with the teachers and have a bitch. It all feels too final. Too abrupt. How do you say goodbye to a place and to people that have meant so much to you, made such an important impact on your life without seeming like a wanker?? These people may not know how important they are to me, in fact they probably don't know how much they've helped me, the influence that they've had. But they have.

How do you say 'Thank you for turning up at my house drunk because you'd lost your house keys and falling into my kitchen and just laying there and saying its OK you'll be fine in a minute' because it started an amazing friendship with an amazing and strong woman and collegue. A friendship that I will always remember.

How do you say 'Thank you for sitting down with me and drinking coffee and complaining about men and stress and life and shit everyday' because it gave me a sense of belonging and solidarity with a bunch of fantastic women and fantastic collegues.

How do you say 'Thank you for coming to my Leaving Party even though I never speak to you really yet you made the time to come and tell me nice things' because it made me feel appreciated, part of something, important.

Too many memories, too many emotions, too little time, too little words.

Thank you everybody so much for everything, I'll always remember this experience because of you doesn't seem enough somehow.

I read somewhere that words can sully the communication and expression of emotion and feeling. That sometimes silence speaks the words that language cannot.

So for Hamasho, for the amazing incredible people here and for the students that have made my time here worth it, made me feel like I am making a difference no matter how small or irrelevant, I hope this says everything I want to say, I hope you understand.

"................................."

Peace Out Beyatches.

Nxx

2006-07-18T10:24:00.000+09:00

Can you see it??

Scary is the shit, if ya kno what I mean. I love all that crap - ghosts, vampires, weird stuff etc etc. So I was looking on YouTube for ghost videos and came across this.

I don't know if its a real ghost or not but at one point you can see a faint smudge or image or something on the video. But you have to look kinda close to see it.

Lemme kno if you can see it or not, and what you see. I think it might be a person.

Happy hunting!!

2006-07-07T16:30:00.000+09:00

Nikki

Why I LOVE Nikki.
From Big Brother 7 UK.
This woman is my new idol.

2006-07-07T16:28:00.000+09:00

Big Brother 7 - Nikki World - BBBM

2006-06-08T15:09:00.000+09:00

Yesterday I watched some episodes from Sex & The City for like the ten millionth time, and they could still make me laugh. Here's some of my favorite bits:

Miranda: I just don't get it. Why do men get skidmarks? Is it laziness or are they just in a rush?
Carrie: I don't know, but whatever it is it goes hand in hand with urinating on the seat.
Miranda: I tell you one thing: when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his ass, that's the end of romance right there.

Charlotte: What kind of diet book are you looking for?
Miranda: I don't know. Something with a title like 'How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.'

K this ones for you!
Stanford: Before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge.
Carrie: Do I judge?
Stanford: We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts; we judge.

Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too-Big!
Carrie: You broke up with your last boyfriend because he was too small, now this one's too big. Who are you, Goldie-Cocks?

Carrie: How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
Miranda: I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!'
Carrie: Who is this guy?
Miranda: Who's the woman who loved it?
Samantha: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!
Carrie: Bingo!

Samantha (on BS feminist book 'The Rules'): The women who wrote that book—they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad

Charlotte: I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me, and if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl because, I mean, men don't marry the up-the-butt girl. Who's ever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?

2006-06-08T12:57:00.000+09:00

I think I've made friends with a crazy person.

Aight, she's Japanese and so theres gonna be that cultural wire-crossing thing and misunderstandings.

But, now I really think she's a few Fruity Loops short of a packet of cereal if you know what I mean.

Heres where the story starts:

We've been friends for a while but we hadn't hung out together or got close or anything. Then, one night we did - and I thought she was the shit. Our views about a lotta stuff, including boys, dating, drinking and smoking seemed pretty similar and we had a right laugh.

So I invited her to come out drinking again with a different set of Japanese friends - including a guy that I really liked. We were all at the bar and she asked me what I thought of him, "Aight", I said for some stupid reason, event though my insides were churning. "Weeellll", she said, "He's not my type". I relaxed a lil bit cos he's a cute guy and she's a cute gal and I thought maybe 2 + 2 could end up being 5 that night. I really do like him and I'm being such a coward by not making a move or even asking if he's gay. But I don't think I really wanna kno - when we hang out he's sucha sweetie and kind and considerate and I like that, I dun wanna spoil it. Its nice, esp being in Japan, in a situation where I seem to crave closeness to people.

We left that bar, and as we left he held my hand (this is the kinda 'nice' stuff I'm on about). And we were kinda close just walking slowly behind the others, just talking and taking an interest in each other. Then we get to the other bar and keep sending emails back and forth to each other even though we're sitting at the same table. My 'crazy' friend noticed and said to me, "You really do like him, don't you??". I just smiled.

Then we went to karaoke. Me and the guy I like(d) were really touchy feeling just sitting reall close to each other and I was stroking his hair etc. Then we started play wrestling and I pulled up his shirt and bit him up the back (not hard, it was just messin). Then when we sat back up I had my hand under his shirt on his chest. This sounds really sordid, but it wasn't it was sweet and although it doesn't sound it, not that sexual at all. I think we were both looking for that physical contact with someone, with anyone.

My 'crazy' friend had been acting kinda irritable and after the wrestling she oushed between us and told us to stop mucking about. Then she kept moving closer and closer to him. I was a little pissed offcos even tho I said I didnt like him, it was obvious I did. If I was her I wouldnt have put the moves on him.

Anyhow, we leave karaoke and she gets me alone and says to me, "Yes, he really is my type. I really wanna sleep with him". We all went to get taxis and she wangled her way into the taxi with the guy I like and his friend. I was pissed off cos I thought she was outta order, but this thinkin has got me into trouble in tha past, cos if he isnt gay, he isnt gay, no matter how hot I am, y'kno, so I just tried to deal with it. The next day she emails me to say that she really tried to sleep with him but he said no. Then she keeps emailing me over the next weeks to ask me when Im going out drinking with him again, that she really really likes him, that although shes sent him a ton of emails he's stopped replying (which, in my book speaks volumes).

Also thinking about it, the night we first hung out she was with her really fit friend from Tokyo. He was a super nice guy and he told me to email him when I went to Tokyo so we could hang out. I really did like him and there seemed to be a spark of something there. When I said this to her she said, "No!". She said she loved both of us but if we got together then she would be jealous, so we totally could not do that.

I thought it was just flukey, a complete coincidence, the jealousy, the liking the same guys as me. But something happened thats made me question this.

Last weekend I was out with a different guy that I really like. When I was seeing him off at the taxi, she happened to step out of a different taxi and we all stood around talking for a few minutes. And then he left. Me and her went to a different bar and, suprise suprise, we start talking about guys. She asks me about the guy she just met and I told her that, yeh I like him a lot but the situation is kinda difficult. "Yeh, he is really nice," she said. I though this was a lol bit weird at the time cos she'd only just met him, and only for 3 minutes at most, so how could she tell he was a nice guy. Then she said next time when we go drinking I should invite him. Well, whatever, anyway, last night she sent me an email asking me about this guy. I said the same thing - that I really like him but the situation is difficult. She reponded by saying that he was a really nice guy and as long as I was happy, she was happy and if I liked him and he liked me, wasn't that good? I asked my friend what she meant cos I didnt know the kanji that she used very well. And the clear implocation of what she said, along with the crying faces that she used in the mail (>_<) was that she would give up on him. The suggestion was that she really liked him too, but if I was interested then she would stop being interested even though she thought he was amazing. All of this after literally only speaking to him in a group (so not even him directly) for all of 2, 3 mins.

My Japanese friend that I talked to about this said that it seemed like she was in love with me. To me, it seems a little bit like jealousy or something. But whatever it is, its starting to get a lil creepy, a lil uncomfortable.

A lil too Single White Female and all that jazz.

2006-06-06T16:13:00.000+09:00

I just can't understand it!! I just can't!! I can't!!
(I say flouncing around. If you ain't been watching BB7 UK then you ain't gonna understand any of that. Fool).

Last week I watched Elf. Yes, the movie. Yes, with Will Farrell. And yes, it's a comedy. It's also incredibly cheesy.

Yet, at the end of that movie I was bawling. Real,self pity party sobs and snotting.

Yuk. But since then I've been so emotional. Everything seems to set me off. When teaching today, I was thinking about the real quiet girl in the class that doesn't seem to have any friends and I could feel myself welling up. Talking about leaving with my supervisor, I started feeling teary and in true I am a diva fashion, turned towards the window to hide my face and the tears that I felt were coming (they didnt by the way. I managed to control myself for once).

Also, there was a buncha guys at the school walking thru all the classrooms. I though they had come to earthquake proof the school (altho looking bak this seems a stupid presumption as nobody, not them or any of the other teachers had told me or even given me the impression that that was what they had come to do). When talking about the earthquake proofing guys to my supervisor (we both thought one guy in particular was fine as)she looked at me for a second and then said, "Nathan, who are you talking about??".

In turned out that they weren't here to earthquake proof the school, but for a different reason. Ooooooooh, yes, a much different reason..........

Get this........

They had come to my school because between now and the beginning of August my school is installing air conditioning units in every single classroom.

So after two years of freezing my mr man tits off in the winter and sweating it up in the sauna cum classroom cum Hell on Earth in the summer, the new ALT (Assistant Language Teacher at my school is gonna be able to enjoy comfortable teaching temperatures all year round. Bastard.

It was enough to make me cry. But it didn't. Quite.

I think I must be pregnant. Over emotionality, cravings for carbs, intense sleepiness and lack of interest that doesn't involve all of the above. Plus the increased bust size and swollen ankles.

Well, thats my excuse anyway.....and Im frickin stickin to it. Bitches.

2006-05-31T14:55:00.000+09:00

In my Third Grade Reading class today, we looked at some of the differences in American and British English.

On this subject, the paragraph in textbook we are studying reads,

" In Japan, there is a kind of undeclared language war between British and American English. Of course, I'm British myself and I feel there is only ONE kind of English and that MUST come from England".

It seems a lil bit half-arsed - implying that Britain IS England, when In Fact the UK is four seperate COUNTRIES. One of the teachers had also seen this sentence when she was teaching her Reading class at the same time and she said to me afterwards that some lazy Japanese person must have written it. Or an American.

I agree that it was someone that lacked knowledge about the UK but I wouldn't necessarily say it must be a lazy Japanese or American person - it could be anyone of any nationality (although to be fair out of all the foreigners I've met in Japan, Americans are the most likely not to have heard of Wales (discounting the Japanese)).

It really pisses me of when all the countries in the UK get lumped together so I asked the girls to think back and tell me how many countries were in the UK and the names of them. With some ummming and ahhing they came up with the number 4 (as an answer to how many countries) and managed to correctly name 3 of the 4 countries.

But they couldnt remember Wales even though I kept asking them where I was from. Eventually they asked me (afte I gave them the clue that it begins with "W"):

"Are you from War?"
"Are you from Wet?"
"Are you from Wash?"
"Are you from Walls?"

Word for word, basically they were just shouting out any word starting with W that they could think of, although one girl seemed to shouting out random things even when I reitterated to her that it began with "W" and even after I wrote down the name of the place for her.

It was super funny.

Surprisingly the students knew why they had to study American English - I only found out from Ms. U. T. Fist the other day that its because when America invaded Japan during the war they completely overhauled the Japanese Educational system and used American English (pronunciation, grammar and words) as the basis for English education. One of the girls started worrying that if they went to any other country people wouldn't understand what she was saying because she spoke American.

To allay her fears I then taught the class how to speak in an upper crust British accent and use the word chi-chi to describe everything.

Its not the American thang shes gotta worry about...........

...... its me.

2006-05-29T13:48:00.000+09:00

Big Brothers Big Bother:

Big Brother (UK Series 7) has been showing for just over a week and already 3 shallow souls from the arse-like depths of Shimane-Ken have become addicted. ADDICTED!!

Me, Ms Thang and Ms K (anyway's oK, oooer) have become addicted to the smack, the high, the trip that is Big Brother (and when it finishes.....oooooh shiver shiver......I think we're gonna start our own self help group - my name's Nathan and the junk in MY trunk is Big Brother).

Why??? Why??? Are we such lil beyatch obsessives?? WHY?????

Well, let me tell you.......(If this was the Matrix this would be the red or blue pill scene - whatcha gonna choose??)

BB Update and all tha goss:

My favorite characters so far:

Shabaz: Poor, poor Shabaz. Ms K hates him (altho she does think Richard speaks 'sense' - remind me to chek her scalp for any 666-esque birthmarks next time I see her) but I think he just dug himself into a rut that he couldn't get out of. It seems he was obviously the centre of attention and popular his whole life, and going into that house he found himself a whole group of strong characters that found him frankly annoying - which he didnt take too well. Sure, he made mistakes - hiding the group's food outside in the rain overnight, ruining a lot of it, refusing to stop touching poor little Pee Wee Herman, I mean Glyn, even after he told him he didnt like it, acting like a spoiled lil child when somebody said something he didnt like and especially the way in which he would NEVER listen to anybody - he would just speak right over them and become incredibly defensive.

I admit he was childish, defensive, patronising, irritating and confrontational but I still think the housemates went a bit OTT with how they dealt with him. Led by Richard (dik) they proceeded to ignore Shabaz - Richard waved a silver cloth at him and proclaimed to the group that after 3 Shabaz would be gone, disappearing from their loves. The rest of the housemates then proceeded to ignore him. For anybody this would be incredibly difficult - but magnify this by the Big Brother experience (where everybody is feeling lonely, insecure and sensitive anyway) and it must have been the MOST AWFUL experience.

Theres no two ways about it - they were bullying him. Obv, feeling insecure about their position in the group, the other members turned on him, bonding over the common 'enemy' and thus feeling more connected and secure with each other. Even people who had initially supported him turned against him when they realized brownie points could be won with the group as a whole if they united in the ostracization of Shabaz. Even worse, the group never bothered to say his nam properly - he was called everything from Shalimar and Shabang to Shekebab abd Shiraz. The group never let up - in every way they could they hounded him, walking out of rooms if he walked in and esp people like Lea (I swear to God they lobotomized that girl and put her brains in her tits cos its clear as day is day she got waaaaay a lot of one and not so much of the other) would jump on everything he said, accusing him of being a pervert, patronosing, a bully. Yes, he was some of these things some of the time but the way the group handled him was disproportionate - bullying, ostracizing and humiliating.

In the end, Shabaz, unsurprisingly, went through some sort of mini-breakdown. He lost sense of who he was and it was obvious to anyone watching that he had become depressed. He couldn't take it, I'd like to meet the person that could, because it was just too hard. Watching it was difficult as the group were so striking for blood, but even when they got it they didnt stop.

Shabaz walked after only a few days. He went into the Diary Room and said he 'want[ed] to go back to [his] little council house and just take care of [himself]' which made me cry.

I hate bullying, I hate powerplays and I hate people being made to feel shame about who or what they are. And the group made him do that - question who he is.

I really fucken hated them - it was the most disgusting TV and disgusting EVIL beviour and treatment that I have ever seen.

On the other hand, my little ray of sunshine is Nikki. Thick as two short planks, that girl is hilarious. Nikki-isms:

"I just wanna marry a premiership footballer. Going shopping, getting my nails done, going for lunch, is all I want out of life. That's not much to ask is it?" Well said.

When talking about how to deal woth the BO of another contestant in the house, and being told the best way to handle it would be to have a quiet word with the person concerned, she said:
"Well, this is how I was gonna handle it - I was gonna just walk out the into the group and say 'Urgh, someone has REEAAALLYY bad BO and its making me feel sick".

"My poo doesnt smell like baby poo!"

"I can't drink tap water. I need bottled water. Actually, Im too dehydrated to talk. I feel light headed. I keep crying and I'm making myself unpopular with them [the rest of the group] because of you Big Brother. I hate you!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!'

"Im not meant to be poor."

"I feel so brainwashed".

She's a little darling - but, and this is a big but, I like her and so inevitably she has to carry around the PopBitch curse. Whenever I like a contestent on BB they sooner or later get voted out or walk. And most recently, with Shabaz just a distant memory, the group has turned its fangs on Nikki.

Watch out girl those beyatches can bite....

Not enough time for: Stinky Dawn being ejected from the house for using 'code' (she preaaranged with her family a method whereby they could signal to her to get out of the house because she's being portrayed in a bad light and the press is increasingly negative - her sista would call BB abd say she was sik and Dawn needed to be notified. Which is what she did. Kinda clever but a lil dumb to them boast about your 'code' to the otha housemates), Super sweet Pete, nor Mouth on a Stik Lisa (who is really attracted to Pete on got a bit Fatal Attraction with him - hes been sharing a bed with her since the beginning of the show but started to feel uncomfortable with her advances, so he decided to change beds and sleep in the sam one as Lea. Whereupon lil teeny weeny Lisa went a lil bit ape, tour the blankets off the bed, screamed at him 'How could you do that??' and proceeded to drag him back to her bed).

Good stuff.

2006-05-22T11:31:00.000+09:00

Some Big Brother clips from the newest series that JUST started. There are some TV programs that I can live without, some that I miss and some that I REALLY miss.
Totally shallow, but totally addictive.
Worth going home for.
Enjoy!!

2006-05-22T09:52:00.000+09:00

OH MY GOD!!

Big Brother has just started a new series in the UK and I know Im gonna get a lil obsessive about it again. Calling my mother, my friends, the internet.

Its gonna get CRAZY.

Om gonna put some contestants profiles up later.

Big Brother is the shit yo~

2006-05-17T14:48:00.000+09:00

4 Jobs I've Had in My Life:

Teacher
Pharmacy Counter Assistant (Oooer, I had to take exams and everything. So, I'm QUALIFIED!!)
Exam Mark Checker (I dun kno the real name of the job - I had to check the marks in A Level Exam papers - the exams you take to get into University in the UK - and make sure the marks were added up correctly)
Inland Revenue Admin Asst (Yes, I worked in the UK TAX OFFICES. Im a bad bad man).

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over Again:

Grease
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
Being John Malkovich
Labyrinth

4 Places I Have Lived:

Hamada City, Shimane-Ken,
Mizuho Town, Shimane-Ken,
My house, Cardiff, Wales, UK
My friends house (read S-O-F-A, not a gd time in my life), Cardiff, Wales, UK

4 TV Shows I Love To Watch:

Desperate Housewives
Sex & The City (yes, I know its finished but I have the DVDs)
What Not To Wear (If u aint seen it Im sure its downloadable somewhere)
Neighbours (or Fakin It. Fuk I can't decide!!)

4 Websites I visit:

www.jimjamsjournal.blogspot.com
www.bbc.co.uk/news
www.deviantart.com
www.flickr.com

4 Places I have Been on Vacaction:

Rajasthan, Dehli and Agra, India
Kuala Lumpur, Penang and Pulau Perhentian, Malaysia
Seoul and other places, Korea,
Salzburg, Innsbruck and other places, Austria

4 Favourite Foods:

Cheesy cheese cheese
Beans On Toast
Mashed Potatoes
Sushi/Sashimi

4 Places I would rather be right now:

In K***'s pants
In H****s pants
Hanging out with Paris Hilton and drinking Mojitos
At home with my Mum & Sis

4 Bands I Can Listen to over and over again:

Hole
Radiohead
Coldplay
Spice Girls

4 Pet Peeves:

People who pretned to be prudish(and tell me Im too much. Grow up)
Snorting and mulching while eating (yuck)
People who complain constantly (life cud be a lot worst, pencil dik)
American pronunciation of words (the UK way is just as valid yo).
(I was gonna put condoms down, but Ive learnt my lesson. Safe sex is GOOD sex. Although it feels way better barebackin, eh)

4 People I am Tagging:

T-T-T-T-T Titia-ah-ah-ah
Ms Thang - baby girl you ain't put anything on ya blog yet! Let this be the first!!
JimJam - Just me and you girl, the only two Welshies amongst all this madness
Big Pappa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pao (altho I dont think he read this....)

2006-05-17T10:11:00.000+09:00

The Wrong GUY:

I just read this story and BBC News and its kinda funny - seems everybodys looking for the right GUY these days, eh.

The story starts with a guy, Guy Goma, a Graduate from the Congo. One day he sees an advertisement for a Data Support Cleanser (I have no idea) at the BBC. He applies, and whaddya know, he gets invited to the BBC for an interview. It just so happens that on the exact same day, another guy, Guy Kewney editor of Newswireless.net, is gonna be at the BBC. But this Guy is gonna be interviewed live on air, on BBC News, regarding the impending Apple (Mac, Ipod etc) Vs Apple (Beatles ol' record label) court case (as he is something of an expert).

Soooo, I think you can see where this story is heading - Guy Number 1, Guy Goma, is waiting at one reception, Guy number 2, Guy Kewney, at another. When the researcher for BBC News went down to reception to pik up Mr Kewney, which reception dya think he went to??

Yes, the wrong one.

And for some unfatomable reason, when Guy Goma asked if his name was Guy Kewney, he answered Yes. Thus being whisked upstairs, into the live TV studio, put live on air and asked a series of questions about his views on the much publicised Apple Vs Apple court case that is about to be heard. Mr Goma, thinking this is an interview answers the questions, but surprisingly his lack in depth of knowledge about the case, live on air, raised a few questions.

It was only when the studio got a phone call to say that the guy they wanted, the real Guy Kewney, was still waiting in reception that these questions were answered.

Well, it makes me smile.

See Guy make his live TV debut at BBC News

In other guy news, oh my life, I made a right prick of myself last night (whatta surprise).
We went to a bar that I haven't been to for aggggggggges - and I used to have the hugest crush on one of the guys that works there. He's a real cutie and we emailed a few times but nothing really came of it. So, anyway, yesterday he asks me how I am cos he hasn't seen me or heard from me forever and he asks me when Im moving to Tokyo (i don't know how hw knows thos). So, he says that before I go we should go out and have a drink or two. I was like way, of course, but then I turned into some sorta Briget Jones frrreak.

In Japan you refer to yourself by pointing to your nose. Well, I seemed to be a lil more tipsy thatn I thought and when I went to say of course, email me and we'll meet up, instead of pointing to my nose, I hit myself in the face. Kinda hard. And my nose started to bleed. He gave the most evial, cheesy film, laugh - HAH HAH HAH - and then got me a tissue and asked if I was OK.

I felt like such a dik that I mumbled, yeh Im fine, see ya and ran out and went home and died.

He did email me though to ask if I was OK and told me it was funny. And the emabarrasment has passed now.

But how klutzy can one person be?? Im a danger to myself.

2006-05-15T14:05:00.000+09:00

In another two and a bit months I'm going to be saying sayonara to Hamada.

Sayonara to my school.
Sayonara to the kids.
Sayonara to my friends.

As well as to Nozza balla and Ms Thing.

This weekend I was talking to another JET who, I think, is having a pretty difficult time of it.
I completely understand how he's feelin - like him I came here straight from graduating Univesity, had always lived in a big city and found the experience overwhelming.

I felt completely isolated.

Nobody in my Board of Education spoke English, I couldn't speak Japanese. I couldn't drive and to get out of my lil town to have any interaction with anybody was a mission - buses were few and far between and the bus stop was 4km away. Walking there in the snow was a bitch.

I had also just come out of a three year relationship and was feeling incredibly needy and unsure of myself and had no confidence. That combined with the other factors was not a good mix.

Anybody who knew me at that time would agree I was in a very emotional, difficult place.

In saying all that, I would not change anything. I think going through all of that, experiencing all that made me a much better person. Now I feel like Ive changed a lot - I can cope a lot better with my emotions, Im a lot more confident and I am proud of the person Ive become.

I was lucky enough to meet fantastic people. People, esp like Ms K, who told me to get a holda myself, to stop whinging, to stop being so self pitying when they needed to, when I was acting a bit much.

People who supported me and who have given me some great memories and expeiences.

Most of all Nozzaballa and Ms Thing. I honestly don't know how Im gonna say goodbye to them. They've been everything to me and every memory that I can remember, every good experience and every bad, they've been there. How can you say thank you for that? How can you tell them how much they mean to you? There is no way. It's true, words aren't enough. They've given me something that is indescribale.

Yet in two months Im gonna be leaving this place, leaving them, and its gonna kill me. Leaving my friends back home was bad enough, but leaving them is gonna be hard.

Like leaving family, leaving a part of myself.

But wherever I go, whateva I do (which is a BIG question right now) I know they're always gonna be my girls.

Good times and bad times. The best of times, the worst of times.

Without going through all the crap, the craziness, the shit, I wouldn't know how fantastic my life is right now.

And if just for that reason, everythings been worth it.

2006-05-10T13:37:00.000+09:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOZZABELLA!!!!!

Babydoll (ya sure ya know what this means now eh??), I love you so much. You're the sweetest, kindest, most honest and THE hottest, THE baddest beyatch I know.

Big kisses and mucho Birthday Love going out to the gal who showed me how to get away with murder with a smile.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

PARIS HILTON SINGS HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR NOZZABELLA

2006-05-10T12:59:00.000+09:00

Oooohhhh, look at this one.

My shit is bananas!! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!!!

Actually Im looking and applying for jobs right now, so if your reading this and you have jobs available, CALL ME!!!!

Look, Im perfect. Im like the Olsen twins. Combined. And not as pretty.

But you'll love me anyway!!

(Actually I have one interview set up - the school seems really keen but Im not so sure if I want the job or not. Its in a really cool central part of Tokyo, practically perfect, and they'll help me find an apartment etc etc but theres a lotta reponsibility that comes with this job and I dunno if im looking for the quiet life right about now. I'll letcha kno how I get on)

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

2006-05-10T12:49:00.000+09:00

OK this is kinda strange - im not even just a eunuch, but Im a TOTAL eunuch.

Uhhhhh, like, totally.

Whatever - truly I be a man, you be my bitch.

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

2006-05-01T14:03:00.000+09:00

My delicious friends:

Ms Titia D (streamlined and fancy-free), and tha one and only Nozzabella

Kiss me QUICK!!

2006-05-01T14:00:00.001+09:00

Kiss me QUICK
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Fire In Tha' Disco

2006-05-01T14:00:00.000+09:00

Wheres the disco?
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Slim-lined

2006-05-01T13:59:00.001+09:00

Slim-lined
Originally uploaded by natcas.

New York New York

2006-05-01T13:59:00.000+09:00

New York New York
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-05-01T13:01:00.001+09:00

The war against discrimination never made its greatest gains behind closed doors. It never made its mark, never knew victory with a whisper or a sigh. It's most iconic, defining events and most iconic, defining figures, the events, the men, the woman that profoundly affected 20th Century History, weren't afraid to shout and scream, they used their voices even when they were told they didn't want to be heard. People and events like, The Suffragettes, Little Rock in Arkansas, Rosa Parkes, Martin Luther King. Forsaking the use of stealth or discretion, all of these people and events stuck two fingers right up into the face of discrimination, shouted out loud for what they stood for and didn't back down until they were sure they had been heard.

Most people in the world today would agree that these were important people and events, people that, in the scope of history, needed to speak, events that needed to happen. Yet these same people fail to recognize that this war hasn't been won, the fight is still as raging and as taxing as ever, and that they form part of it. However, in this day and age, the weapons have changed, tactics reconsidered. Whereas before prejudice was openly hostile, aggressive, using discrimination as its weapon as well as its protection, today it is more defensive, stealthy, cunning, using ignorance as its sword and indifference as its shield. As such it is a much more dangerous beast, a harder animal to slay. How do you wound the enemy if you don't know where to shoot?

This weekend, some friends and I had a discussion about sexuality, or perhaps more correctly, about how we reflect our sexuality through our personality and manner. I love these friends, they truly are the shit, but they kept missing the points I was trying to make. The same, familiar words and phrases were used and bandied about when they referred to me; why does being gay – the small, sexual part of a persons whole – seem to form such an integral part of who you think you are and so distinctly colour what you say and do; why are you so militant; why do I really have to talk about sex so much?

When I was 15, I 'came out'. 'Coming out' is an important event, a defining moment, in the life of any gay, bisexual or transgender person. You are making a public statement that your sexual preference is different to that of most other people, you are publicly declaring that you have personally accepted what you are and are not ashamed of it. It is not an easy thing to do – it takes courage and strength as inevitably, in the process, people and going to judge you and alter their views and actions towards you accordingly.

Since I was 15, since my friends came out, since anybody has ever out, we face this judgement, we see its effects, the actions it can cause. We are called 'fag', 'poof', labeled 'disgusting', 'sick', treated differently in law and beaten up because of what we are. For every time I had to suffer the negative effects of this judgement, for every time I was called 'poof' or 'fag', for every time I was humiliated or laughed at, for every time anybody ever tried to kick or punch me I earned my right, I solidified my right to talk about my sexuality, about who I am, as often as I want and using whatever language I choose. Inevitably, my sexual identity grew to be a large part of who I view myself to be and intwined itself in the very roots of who I feel I am. These negative experiences helped define me, define my self image. Every time somebody is called a 'bender'or labeled 'sick' or 'gross', the need to talk about homosexuality, what it means and what it is, grows. This war is idealistic and words and ideas are our swords.

Yet, people still consider me vulgar, even indecent, 'too much' (a phrase that I particularly love – too much what? Too gay is what lies at the root of this phrase, it is the seed that spawned the tree). These people consider themselves open minded, liberal, they have gay friends, gay family even, they have black friends, they can be men that have close, non-sexual women friends and vice-versa. This must be a reflection, they think, on whatever level, that times have changed, attitudes have altered for the better, and sure enough this is true, they have, but there has not been the fundamental paradigm shift in attitudes and ideas, words and actions that these people believe there has. Even within themselves.

These people don't talk about sex like I do, or otherwise don't like the terms I use or the way I phrase myself. In effect, they are determining who I am, what they consider acceptable in others, in terms of their own experiences. Yet they cannot see that this is the very antithesis of liberal thinking, the greatest opponent of open-mindedness and acceptance, personal freedom and choice.

People will try to argue if that is the case, then people must also accept and understand paedophilia or domestic violence, ad people who engage in these activities form another minority within society as a whole. But this argument is too simplistic and trite – homosexuality is legal in most of the countries that I’m considering when I write this (and even if it isn’t it should be). Furthermore, there are more potent arguments, ethical, moral and otherwise that can be made against paedophilia and domestic violence (including but not consisting of the fact that whatever happens between men and woman of whatever sexual orientation is fine as long as both, or all, parties are consenting – the ultimate legal and ethical expression of personal choice and individual autonomy.

Still, I'm sure many people would say that they simply don't want to hear so much talk relating to sex, its something private, something they have no interest in hearing. Gay, bisexual and transgendered men and women around the world have been humiliated and judged, have suffered the crucible and its judgements, all in the public arena. Striped naked for the world to see, examined and sentenced. All because of what they like to do in the bedroom. I'm sorry if you don't like hearing it (actually, I'm not at all) but what I like to do with my penis stopped being a purely private affair the first time somebody called me 'fag' or 'poof' or tried to physically assault me. If you truly think that sex is purely a private matter, then look around you, look at any newpare or magazine or TV station – homosexuality is about the ins and out (literally) of sex and yet it is widely debated and discussed. Yes, you have the right and ability to change channels to turn off the TV, but you also have the ability not to listen. Something, unfortunately, which nobody can do anything about. It still seems though that homosexuality as a wider, abstract, global topic is perfectly acceptable, but many people get nervous, attitudes change if you bring the issue down to a more individual, personable level – if you try to attempt this you become 'militant', 'vulgar' or 'indecent'.

One of my friends said to me that he didn't mind the fact that I was gay at all, but the way I talked about men and sex would be labeled 'cheauvanistic' if I was talking about women. He argued, that because I am gay, I unfairly, have a green card that allows me to talk about sex in whatever way I choose. Well, I think, it is a completely fdifferent situation for me than when compared with a straight man.

Historically, traditionally, culturally, the differences between men and women, they way they have been and are differentiated that discriminates between them, are structurally, socially ingrained. A man would be viewed as a bit of a sleaze if he talked the way I do about sex, because at some level we know he is casting himself in the role of sexual predator, dominant, aggressive, the hunter and women in the role of passive, vulnerable, weak victim and object. The humanity and emotion of the situation is removed specifically because the two principal actors are a man and a woman. This kind of action tries to reaffirm men and women into roles that are destructive, that lead to the conservative and restrictive societal definitions of gender identity, that lead to prejudice and discrimination as well as on a more specific scale, things such as domestic violence, sexual assault and even rape.

All of this is what I wanted too say to my friends , to the people who told me that I'm too graphic, too militant, too 'much'. Some will still think this is completely typical of me – to turn absolutely everything into a 'gay' issue. These people truly do not get it, and I'm not sure that they ever will. I am what I am because of who I am – that sounds wonderfully vague and chicken and the egg-ish, but the experiences that I've been through, the things I've seen and heard, that would not have occurred butfor my sexuality have changed and defined me. Fixed the picture of me as in how I see myself. Perhaps it has made me seem a little too militant, but for me, the things that I talk about and the way in which I express them is the method that I choose, and have every right to, in which to publicly assert who I am, take back that which publicly, certain people have tried to take from me, and gain ground on bigots who consciously or otherwise are not accepting of who I am.

Please, don't assume that just because black people don't have to sit on the back of the bus anymore, women have the right to vote and homosexuality is legal that times have radically changed. If you do think the world is a vastly different place to that of 60, 40 or even 20 years ago, I worry, because the reality is that for those on the ground, although gains have been made and battles won, this war is far from over – historically it has just begun. And in this fight, in this war that is incredibly important to me, I'm gonna fight tooth and nail, use everything that I have, be as militant as I can be, to contribute, to play my part, to fulfill my role, in helping us win.

2006-04-28T12:31:00.000+09:00

God, so long since Ive posted anything but to be fair I have been crazy busy at school.
Loadsa classes and Ive been give some elective English classes as well as an English reading class to teach as well. I don't mind it at all like, I'd rather be super busy than bored off my ass. The day seems to be over so quickly.

But it also means I dun have so much time to blog. Like I said before, he giveth with one hand and the bastard screws you ova with the other. And did you notice - its 'he giveth....' not 'she givethh' blah blah blah. Fukin men.

Oh last night I was out drinking with the gorgeous Nozzabella and were talking to the bar staff at a place we go to (too) regularly. Two of the older staff went to my school like 15 or 16 years ago or something and they remember the ALTs name at that time perfectly. Her name was:

Margaret Susan Barbara Beans.

I mean, how the hell could you forgot that?? If your car was hit by a frickin monsta truck, you rolled over the edge of a cliff, sustained severe brain damage, had a full lobotomy and juvenile alzheimers you could never forget that name.

I love it. It might be the title of my book:

''Following In The Footsteps Of Margaret Susan Barbara Beans''
''She Was Here First - Margaret Susan Barbara Beans: A Memoir"

I love that name!! SHe was the first ALT my school had and later on when I got a bit more free time Im gonna go and hunt one of the yearbooks for that year down so I can see her picture. I have an image of my head of this really smiley smiley, slighly chubby, moon faced, slightly orange woman with really frizzy hair (I think maybe the Beans part is havin an influence - but why would I think a bean that was a human would have frizzy hair?? Maybe that part comes from the Margaret bit).

If I can find it I'll post it. Im tryna track her down too. I have an obsession.

Im so glad its Friday - yesterday I went to my School for Children with Hearing Difficulties and it was so much fun. I sang some songs with Kindergarten kids in their music leeson and at lunch time we played tag. I can run faster than those kids - I was so happy I finally found people that I could beat in a race (altho they are only around 5-6 years o0ld. whatever). I whipped thos lil fukkers. The new English teacher was super nice too. Like really good English and when I said I loved talking to people she said that she did too and we just chatted all day. Really cool nice lady.

Then things took a turn for the worst - she wanted to meet the people that worked in the dorms and because one of my friends worked over there I told her I'd take her over. So as soon as we got to the dorms I realised why I hadnt gone over in a bit - a guy runs out and puts some 'special' (he says) slippers for me. This is the guy who I told my friend I thought was cute and who she in turn told him (a MARRIED him) I loved him and wanted to have sex with him. My friend is human and like any of us prone to bouts of extreme stupidity and for the life of me I dun have a clue why she said this (sure he is cute and has the HUGEST trouser snake (trust me - this boy likes tight trousers and they sure as hell like him) but this is me we're talking about - its a given eh?? I would do just about anyone or anything so it ain't exactly untrue but it don't make him special).

Anyway, he was being soooooo nice - he made coffe just for me, made me sit inj his chair etc etc and was just basically fawning over me. But I just got the biggest impression that he was making a fool outta me somehow. I was getting more and more agitated at him and said to the English teacher lets go. We got up to leave and my frind and the guy both started walking out. My frind grabs the english teacher pulls her back into the room and closes the door. My friend comes out and by this time the guy is tryna get me to touch his chest and is saying lets go to sushi together, lets go drinking together, lets go to Fukuoka together. And my friend is like together together!! And she tries pushing us together. By now Im fuming cos Im sure hes having a laugh at my expense and he goes to hug me goodbye or something. I am so angry (thinking yeh make fun of the gay boy etc etc fukin bully) So I push his arm away and tell him to fuck off. I notice he has a blak eye and ask him if someone punched him cos I cud totally understand. He says no its a birthmark and I start to feel really bad.

SO I say to him yeh lets go to sushi and drinking and he says sure before the end of the month. And I tell him to email me. Thats where the story ends.

I feel sooo bad but confused y'kno?? I know he's not interested in me cos hes married and shit but was he making fun of me?? i dunno now. At the time I was sure he was and I was so angry. I cant even explain how angry. But afterwards when I was talking to the English teacher she said it just seemed like he was having a really good time talking to me. But ou know eh?? You pik up on the vibe when someones making fun of you?? And I was feeling kinda humiliated even though I couldnt understand all of the conversation, I felt something was a lil bit off, y'kno??

But then part of me thinks, on hindsight, that he was just being really nice and I misinterpreted it. Which sux cos if he really was just being nice that makes me the biggest fuken bitch and loser on this side of the world. And I would feel awful. Really trully like a shiity human being. Thats why Im preferring to hold onto my anger. Makes life easier.

Am I a bastard?? I dunno. Fuk maybe Im a crazy fuken evil evil shit. EVIL!! I dun wanna be evil.

Oh so I did this How Evil Are You?? test and got this:

You Are 74% Evil
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.
How Evil Are You?

I refuse to believe that anybody got less than me. The questions are so dumb - like Have you ever secretly wisheed anyone harm?? Who in hell is gonna say no????? I bet even frickin Mother Teresa wanted to slap a lil kid or step on a kitten once in a while. Its human nature (I didnt know I couldnt talk about sex).

Anyway I'll go for sushi with this guy and tell y'all how it goes. Whether my suspicions were right and I end up slapping him, or if I am just simply an arsehole.

I bet you can hardly wait.

Nxx

ps my OCD update - I think Im stressed or summat cos Im developin certain OCD-esque habits. Like when I type my blog I tend not to use so much punctatuin (faster to type). But recently Ive found that I CANNOPT type "I'll" without the apostrophe. Like impossible - it'll niggle at me till i go bak and change it. Its because without the apostrophe it spells ill and if the two of those things are connected in some way (I'll and Ill) Im gonna get sik.

Crazy??

Here's forstream of conciousness.

Kisses.

2006-04-20T14:52:00.000+09:00

A new teacher has joined by cleaning group (I dunno if you remember me talkin about him before - he's the one that is kinda scary - he talks to himself (or shud that be grunts??) all the time, even when he's sleeping at his desk). Anyway, Im sure this guy is a bit of a nutjob and today he proved it.

He decided that we should finish about 2 minutes into it, we (the kids and me) had literally done nothing - I had opened up the room, nutjob-sensei and the students showed up, we picked up the window cleaner, brooms and stuff and he says 'Hai, owarimasho' ('Let's finish'). I was like this guy is having a laugh - Ive been cleaning that room during cleaning time for the past two years. Not like Im territorial or nowt but Im the one that has the key and Im the one that teachers ask if they can use it (for some unfathomable reason). The room is split into two - an outer bit through which you enter and has CD players etc stored in it and its also where the school PA system is. To get to the inner room you go through another door and you enter the audio visual room (like a class room, desks etc, - but with a huuuuuge projector to show movies, videos, dvds etc).

The kids dont need to be told twice and finish. Im like fuk this so go bak into the inner room and finish off cleaning the windows. And before I kno it I hear the door of the inner room being shut and locked (the inner room doesnt need a key you just lift this metal bar up and push it into a hole). So Im like knocking on the door and shouting and I hear somebody closing the outer door too.

What the fuk?? This room is on the third floor and so the only way that I had any hope of getting out was opening the window and shouting down to some of my kids cleaning the grass area below. And like true stars they ran up the stairs and let me out. I saw some of the kids that I had been (doing very little) cleaning with and I asked them what in gay hell happened?? For crying out loud, how did nobody not notice that I was still in the room?? Way, Im sooooo not difficult to spot. Lets just say that when we play hide and seek I would just be foolin myself (and no fuker else) if I tried to hide behind anything remotely smaller that a medium sized country (preferably with mountainous terrain, plain wide open spaces just aint flattering for a gal). Anyhow, my ids say that they told ol' Mr Nutjob that I was still in the room before they left and he said he understood.

Yet as soon as they went, he locked me in which raises two possibilities. Either he is as crackers as Christmas, or he has it in fer me. At this point in my life I aint sure which, but he better watch out unless he wants a big ol' dose of me (which is as finger-clicking, head-shaking, in-ya-facing as it sounds).

Nutjob Vs Popbitch: Coming Soon.

Nxx

Ps As for the sheep pix it will all become clear soon (but for our reading pleasure your more than welcome to think of some funny captions and post them in the comments section)

2006-04-14T15:10:00.000+09:00

What the hell. First Britney and now Kate Moss. This one is called Sphinx and although created by a different artist, Marc Quinn, than the 'Britney slips one out on a bear-skin rug' one, it is no less bizarre. And the fact is this artist is somebody who I actually respect - one of his creations, a nude of fellow artist Alison Lapper, is on display in Trafalgar Square in London. I respect him because the ALison Lapper nude raised a lot of issues, created a lot of debate, and hopefully opened a lot of minds. That piece of work meant something and I know many people, especially in the diasbled community respected him for taking a chance. A chance, he was warned, that could jeopardise his career.

Why?

Because Alison Lapper is disabled. She has no arms and suffers problems with her legs. When she became pregnant, she had no partner and she was vocal about her ability to raise her baby by herself. Marc Quinns statue brought her situation to the forefront of public conciousness and caused huge debate. Many people argued about her ability, physical that is, not willingness, to be able to raise a child. Many people said that she was placing the baby in danger, would inadvertantly but inescapeably be neglectful, that they baby would suffer. Others argued that she had every right to have a baby - disability in her situation did not affect her ability to parent and raise her child.

Even after Alison had her baby the debate still continued, the opposition on both sides being equally impassioned. Alisons child is still healthy, her disability hasn't comprimised her sons safety and by all the whistles and measures that god gave us to test these things her child is just like any other child of his age.

I admire Marc for that work, for taking a chance, for catalysing the debate surrounding disability and parenthood. For doing something that meant something, something that matters. To me the Kate Moss piece, his 'Sphinx' is a disappointment (which Im sure worries him greatly as he sits at home counting his millions each night). I dislike it because it is meaningless and hate it because it comes in the footsteps of Alison Lapper.

I admire Alison greatly too. Not because she is disabled and did what she did (to think so would be patronising). No, I admire her because when the spotlight was turned on her, on her values, her choices, her beliefs she managed to be true to herself, she made no comprimises, she didnt sell out.

I only wish I had the courage, the self belief, the strength to do the same. But I know, on more than one occasion, when Ive been in a situation where who I am and what I stand for have been called into question, Ive done the exact opposite 0 Ive comprimised, Ive backed down. Ive sold out.

Pix of the Alison Lapper statue and of Alison with her son, Parys:

2006-04-04T10:27:00.000+09:00

I am pissed. I am soooo pissed. I love Madonna, I do. Even tho she blatantly stole the whole leotard vibe off one of my friends (this friend being Ms Thang - apparently, she says, life looks a whole lot brighter when you're wearing a leotard. Altho her leotard is just whatever top she happens to be wearing at the time and her knickers - I have a fun video of her in the Philippines. Remind me to show you tha 'I got my leotard on' video sometime. Oh my God! She would KILL me!!)

Anyhow, Madonna is going on tour, bringing her music to the masses up close and personal. I would talk sleep blow and beg to get my hands on some of these tickets. I would even pay the full ticket retail price (what is up with that?? The tix start at 80 quid. Madge, wot ya doing?? Aren't you rich enuff?? Maybe Guy needs her to fund his new 'endevour'. Give Up are two words that Mr Madge never quite learned - being a cockney sparra bruiser and all that jazz Im shittin you - hes as much a cockney as she is. See what Im saying?? Anyway I still love her).
So, why am I pissed?? Well, the European leg of the tour opens in my town, Cardiff. Still can't see why Im pissed?? Well, she opens up the European leg of her tour, rox my town and heals the lame and ugly all on July 30. My contract in Japan doesnt finish until August 3rd.

When I get bak all that'll be left are a few shards of tinsel, a few patches of glitter and maybe 1 or 2 used leotards blowing down the street.

2006-03-30T09:31:00.000+09:00

Dont start worrying - PopBitch has not turned PopPorn. Im not gonna start showing a nudie of the week and start charging a members fee. Nuh uh, PopBitch is, and always will be, about me - and y'all aint gonna be seeing my short and curlies any time soon.

Anyhow, did ya see this yet. Look at the face and guess who it is (It is an uber celeb).

Got it yet??

Hell no, dik, its Britney Spears! Can ya see it?? Apparently the artist (the sculptor guy) has never met The Brit but fashioned this piece outta photos of the star.

Ya think??

Scarlett Johansson, maybe, but Britney Spears?? Give me a break! Is there any wonder we havent heard of this guy before and he has to rock his 5 minutes of fame by making a 'contraversial' sculpture of a celebrity nude?! Start counting buddy, cos the clocks ticking.

Quite apart for the likeness (or un-likeness(is that a word?)) to The Brit, how about its other artistic merits?

The name of the piece is: "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston".
Yes, this sculpture, this "momument" is meant to represent the birth of Britneys baby (oh how I worry) and the wonder and miracle of birth and the strength of a woman.

OK.

Look at her face. Go on look. Im not a woman, I dont know what its like to give birth, hell I dont even menstruate. But form what Ive learned, from many many many people is that birth is no walk in the park. It dont just slip out like a shit. Nuh uh, birth is bloody, and exhausting, and wet and painful. So this artist, this Mr Daniel Edwards, decides to make this representation. Britney down on all fours, in a provocative and submissive pose, serenely doing something which surely as hell aint giving birth. You can tell it was made by a man.

Its not that I object to art that uses specific images of celebrity, its when the reason that that art uses a cebrity is to gain recognition or attention or cause controversy, that I start to feel uneasy. Why bother? Make something that is worth something, this guy can obviously sculpt so why bother making something so worthless. He did it to celebrate pro-life, birth blah blah blah. Well you coulda done that in a far more effective way (for starters have a message or emotion that you want to convey). As it stands this is much of a nothingness. It doesnt say anything about the reality of childbirth, it doesnt celebrate the strength of a woman or get people to think about pro-life issues. What it says to me is that celebrities squatting on (what the hell is that) bear skin rugs seem to have an easy time of giving birth.

Mr - Find a message (you're obv talented and can sculpt) and find a way to present it, a medium in which that you don't need to involve a celebrity image to garner attention. Find a message and a medium in which the art stands for itself in its own right. Isn't that what its all about?

2006-03-24T14:04:00.000+09:00

Im sorry. I failed you. I failed myself.

Im nothing but a failure. An Ugly,Vogue-less, pop culturally unclu'd up and whatever the opposite of God-of-all-things-here-on-earth-we're-down-on-our-knees-and-worship-you-and-your-passion-for-fashion-(-and-sex-)-that-you-bring-into-our-lives is.

This bitch has lost her bite.

Hah! Just kidding (wasn't it obv????). And if you believed that I could ever be any of these thihngs, stop reading my blog. Now. Two words, two fingers - As. If.

Now back to the important stuff- this weeks SPUNK & JUNK:

SPUNKIN IT UP:

1. Teachers Leavin' : This time of year marks the end of the school year in Japan (unlike back home, in the UK where it finishes in July and starts again in Sept). Students move up a grade or graduate and its also the time when teachers change schools. Typically, in Japan, the average teacher will change schools roughly around every 4 years. Now sometimes this works badly. Favorite teachers can leave and right twatheads can come in to fill there place. But, it can also work in the opposite way. Twathead teachers can be moved to a different school. Its no secret that I dont get on with one of the more senior members of staff at my school (hes a miserly, penny-pinching, fun leeching freeek of a man) and thank heavens above for little girls and the Japan system of employment in Education, hes LEAVIN!!! Hip Hip fucken (with bells, knobs and all kinda glittery stuff on it) Hooray!! Twat.
Today was leavin ceremony for the teachers and as he walked down the middle of the hall, between all the students and teachers (who were lined up either side makin a sorta human avenue) he was crying. As if today can't get any bettter. Ha ha haaaaaaaaa!!!! What a lil baby, not even a man. Haaaaaaaa haaaaaaa!! (altho I kno when its my turn Im gonna be sobbin like its Sanbe all over again - but let me have my moment o' glory for now).

2. The sun - last week, after I wrote the post, write on cue, the weather turned cold again. But today is beautiful. Lets hope it stays like it - altho you can guarentee a we weekend now that Iv written this. Sorry.

3. Hamada Music Concert - April 8th, Hamada and everyone here, is gonna get bitchslapped to gay hell and bak (everyone knows thats where all the ab fab famous dead rock stars, porn stars and anyone else thats worth knowing live) cos me and two other foreign Hamadians have organised The KIKASS-IEST music concert and made THE KIKASS-IEST posters and flyers. Foreign bands, Japanese bands, it all goes. And it is gonna be THE SHIT!! If you don't live in Hamada or can't get here by plane, train, automobile, I pity you.

4. My kids - as in students. There was a time when I thought they were lil shits and honest to god-ly retarded. Straight up. I still sometimes wonder. And the amount of times Ive wanted to shout, scream, leave Japan because of them is incalculable (sp?). Like the 'dont forget to cut your nose hair Nathan' song, or the 'I dont understand English' even tho Ive gone thru somethig soooo simple, soooo easy til Im blu in the face. Even last week, I was bitchin about them.
But truthfully, even tho they're lil fukkers, theyre my lil fukkers. You get me. And recently theyve been so sweet and cute and kind that I wonder who the other kids were. But even if they were still shitty mcShits, thats only sometimes. And those kids, those specific kids, are one of the biggest reasons of why my job is sooo enjoyable, rewarding and why Im still here. So if I bitch about them again, dont listen to me - Im just havin a bad day.

JUNK'D:

1. Idiots (ie bitches that sure as hell have lost their groove and taken a turn into SPITEFUL)First there was She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, and now this, "I'm gonna try my very best to avoid you and not speak to you cos Im sooo much better than you and even when we do speak Im gonna make it perfectly clear you are the lowest of the low and patronise you to the point of violence" attitude is spreading. Now a teacher that I know, who thankfully doesnt work at my school, has caught it. Beyaaaaaaatch. Symptoms: a crinklin up of the nose as if an horrifically vile and putrid smell has suddenly enterd their olfactory vicintiy of awareness coupled with a narrowing of the eyes and a blankness of expression/speech suggesting that anything, even shittin in the middle of the staffroom in the middle of mornin mettin, is more preferable than talkin to you. Well leave them to it. Do they think we care??
(And just a hint for these idiots - as for the smell, chek your underwear girls. When was the last time that anything remotely alive went into that area and came out alive again?? Dont worry if you can't remember - they say memory is the first to go and youre not exactly spring chickens are ya??!!)

2. Coitus Interruptus: Lets just say earlier this week me and Michael were tryna get it on (both virgins at this kinda intercourse (ie not actually bein in the same country as the person youre gettin deep down and dirty with) so takin it slow and gentle) when we got interrupted. On his end thank god. But what an anti-climax (literally). Next time he's gonna lok his door.

3. Two really sweet teachers and an Office Lady (that I always seem to end up sittin by and bitchin with at Work Drinking Parties) leavin. I told y'all. I alrady said it cuts both ways. With one hand he giveth and with one hand the twisted fukka taketh away. Wat a bastard.

4. Headaches: this week almost every person I know has had either a really bad headache or felt like theyre gettin the flu. One of my Japanese teacher friends said its to do with the change in weather. people have said that to me before too. But I have a different theory. Its Japan. This country is fuked and I think we all migh be allergic.

OK, finished, owatta done annnnnnnd dusted. Im sooo happy its Fri I really need a G&T. Poeple bitched on Kirsten on the OC when she supposedly became an 'alcoholic'. As if!!!! She was going thru a lotta stress and just needed some self-medication. Sometimes a gals gotta do what a gals gotta do. And if she cant do that, then hit the bottle.
And thats precisely what this gal plans to do tonight.
have a great weekend,
Nxx

2006-03-20T11:20:00.000+09:00

Shit. I dont kno what happened but my blog went crazy on THurs - I couldnt post anything or publish anything. And when I came back to it the code was skitzy so I had to start from scratch.

Again. Sorry.

My blog is lookin a lil skank again - but it'll be better soon.

Keep Bitchin'

Nxx

2006-03-15T15:37:00.000+09:00

Im gonna start a thing - where I let y'all into whats HOT and whats NOT this week. When I say 'this week' I guess Im meaning for it to be a regularly weekly thing, but knowing me it could easily turn into a when-i-can-be-arsed sorta thing.

Here we go, drum roll please...........wait.......for......it.........

DA-DAAAH!! The inaugral PopBITCH SPUNK and JUNK list!!!!!

SPUNKIN IT UP:

1. HamadaDavid: This weekend Me and Ms T went to Matsue leaving one of our regular drinkin pardners up tohis own devices. And this boy surely as hell earned his stripes. Went out Sat night and didnt get back home till 7:20am SUNDAY morning. Truly a feat in Hamada. A star is born.

2. Erin and Titia: These girls rock - they did a fantastic fantastic fantastic job on organising a performance of the Vagina Monologues in Shimane. Some people opposed it, the organising was stressful and tiring and complicated but these girls pulled it off with aplomb. Well done to the two of you - I know eveybody that played part in this production, in whatever way, including myself, felt proud to be working with y'all and part of something so important.

3. Gettin outta dodge: I love Hamada and all, but recently its become like the most uber boring place you can be. Everything that can be done HAS been done to death and back and its gettin so so sooooooooo tired. Went to Hiroshima two weekends ago, Matsue last weekend, and Hiroshima again this weekend. A break is what I need to get me feeling positive about this place again - cos it really is a fab lil town. I just have a really short attention span and get borrrrred soo easily. A change is as good as a rest, they say.

4. The sun: this ones a late entry - it has been bleedin' Baltic here the past week or so and suddenly today, the sun has put his hat on and is coming out to play. You da man! I hate the frickin cold. Hate it, HATE IT! Hell weather.

What a load of JUNK:
1. Theres a certain person that I think is gonna take up permanent residency in this spot. Crazy doesnt even come near it, pschotic doesnt even touch it. This person is such a freaky, ugly, tres bitchy, patronising, lying, delusional, spiteful, selfish, truly corrupt and evil piece of SHIT that I dont know what kinda thing could prove more junkworthy. This person is truly JUNK in all the ways that I intended it to be when I decided to write this list (Post solely devoted to this person coming soon)

2. All those foreign residents of Shimane that didnt come to the VAGINA MONOLOGUES last weekend: guys, you truly suck. You could have easily attended and supported a worthwhile evnt, but you didnt. That is really sucky and selfish and spiteful and lame and lazy etc etc......
Theres a special place in hell for people who didnt come.

3. Teachers meetings: Today there was a Teachers Meeting. They asked me if I wanted to go - yeh right. So I stayed in the staffroom by myself. Not a problem - I was busy planning stuff for the Art Exhibition and the Music Concert. But suddenly I needed the toilet and I didnt wanna go cos what if someone came in the staffroom while I was gone and robbed everyones wallets. Eventually it got too much and I had to leg it down to the bathroom. Everything was fine but all the time I was going I was thinking about the unlocked staffroom and made myself go quicker. As if squat toilets dont sap enough fun outta going to the loo, teachers meetings have to drain the last dregs of enjoyment out of it too.

4. My students - not all of them, just one particular class in the first year. Im gettin all of my first years to make comic strips that Im gonna make into a book for them over Spring Vacation. Its gonna have comments and photos etc in it - kinda like an Oral Communication (the class I teach) Yearbook (cos I only teach one second year class and from April they will become 2nd years). This class could not be bothered - they kept telling me they couldnt write in English and some students carried on doing their home work for other subjects or reading, no matter how many times I told them to stop. Frustrating stuff esp cos all of the other classes did such a fantastic job.

Thats all for this week - the list is done and so am I. Too hungry - need to eat.
Remember - be nice to me or else you could be publicly JUNKED!
(oooh i almost forgot - another new thing Im planning to do is to weekly 'PopBitch' someone . Someone that has really really pissed me off for some reason. You've been warned).

2006-03-14T11:18:00.000+09:00

Wherever and whatever Japanese teeth came from, that same place (Go straight to UGLY hell and turn left) spawned yesterday. BLOODY AWFUL!

We got back from Matsue kinda late (Nozzabella and Ms T had been in the inaugral SHimane performane of The Vagina Monologues and I must say that they were both fantastic. Ms Thang surely reclaimed her cunt godd and proper) so I stayed at Ms Ts house.

Could not sleep for the LONGEST time. Eventually at around 1am (after going to the toilet every 5seconds and Ms T saying 'Brrrr Brrrr Brrrr' over and over again in her sleep), I nodded off.

Only to get up again at 6:30am. Not enough. Not nearly enough.

I finished school, went down to Ms Ts apartment to get my stuff and whaddya kno?? I called her to see what time she would be home (cos my bus always gets there earlier than hers) and she told me she was going to the gym. The bloody gym! So she wouldnt be back until around 8pm (and it was 5 at the time). My keys were in her apartment. LOCKED in her apartment.

I was so tired I managed to stay awake long enough to get to the internet cafe and I slept there, in a private booth, for two hours.

Anyhow enough about me, lets talk about famous people. Not the skatty ugly ones who you just want to fail (Cmon! They deserve it! How can they be so ugly and famous?? When they cant work anymore they can only rely on their looks and boy are they gonna hit Earth with a bump. Maybe they could land on their faces - may be an improvement)
Examples?? Oh my god, honestly, James Blunt is so skank that it hurts. And he sings like a woman. Look - they earn money than I could ever earn. Ever even think of earning. Dya think they're bothered by the comments of one lil gayboy living in the Arsehole Of Nowhere, Barbie-Ken, Japan?? I need to think about this for like...maybe half a second. .....no no no NO! I am unimportant to him. But hes still ugly.

Soooo BEAUTIFUL FAMOUS PEOPLE:
Here's one for ya - one of the most fagliest bangles a gay could have:

Yes, Nozzabella!! I meant to put this on here years ago, but when Nozzabella was in the States studying, she played the role of Rei in an internet love story kinda thing. She said that she was fat when she lived in the States, but lookin at the pix I disagree. Abso-fucking-lutely, Com-totally-pletely 110 per-cent-ly, disagree. Could find more fat on a stick that you could on dear ol' Nozzzabella. I think she may be the only person that wouldnt suffer if Japan were hit by a famine. OK, again, Im going way way way over the top - one of my best friends is not actually an emaciated, malnourished, food-phobic. What Im tryna say, dik, is that she isnt (by any stretch of the imagination) fat. Like it matters anyway. Even if she were the size of a family sized SUV, she would still be perfect , because she is a BEAUTIFUL person, both inside and out. Big kisses for her! Mwah!
If you wanna check out her internet story thing, click here:
Famous Nozza!!

Somebody else that I met this weekend was this girl:

Her name is Gabrielle Christian and shes starring in a new American TV show, 'South Of Nowhere'. Its a teenage drama about a High School girl coming to terms with her sexuality made by MTV. Shes the sister of a friend - I didnt even know that she was an actress until after we'd been speaking for like an hour. You know people say that actors are all meant to be about the fluff - shallow and dumb and boring. Well this girl - not. at. all. She is such a sweetie - really funny, gorgeous and interesting and she also has opinions on stuff. Not fake, shallow or boring. I really hope that her show does well - shes a gem and she deserves it, and her show is dealing with a topic that is sometimes touched upon but not very well - coming to terms with your sexuality. Some people find it hard to accept. Some peoples friends find it hard to accept. Some peoples families find it hard to accept. And what is causing this is something that is integral to who you are, forms part of what makes you you, just like eye color or height. And unlike some people, I believe that sexuality is something that cant be changed. Sexual preferences may alter slightly, the swing may change, but force a permanant change. A snowballs chance in gay hell - ie none.

Telling my family that I was gay was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Truthfully, when I was younger I believed that when I grew up I would get married and have kids. Lead a normal family life. I thought it would be something that I would hide foreva. Then I grew up and my feelings changed - this was me and if people were not willing to accept that then, see ya later ya (fake) alligator. I realised I have a right to be who I am. Without comprimises. Without changes. Without fear. Just like people had a natural born right to be blonde, or French or tall, I had a natural born right to be gay.

However, saying that, telling my family was hard. I mean this was something integrally sexual that I had to say to my grandmother. I know, so ewww. Normally where I like to put my willy is not something I would talk to my nan about. But I knew I had to. TO respect myself and what I am. So I did. And she was upset. She kept saying 'Oh no, my Nathan wouldnt do that to me, on no, he wouldnt' and shaking her head. She wouldnt look me in the face. She has a right to say that - just like I have. And I listened to her and respected her. You have to understand that I grew up with my grandparents until I was 8. They were a huge part of my lives and to suddenly realise that this person, who you thought you knew, is somebody else is a big shock. When you tell people and they say to you, its OK it doesnt change you, I disagree - I think it does. My nan had to suddenly accept that I wasnt going to get married or have the kind of life she had envisaged for me. And she had had gay friends when she owned the pub with my grandad - and they had to deal with complications other that that which heterosexual people have to deal with in everyday life. To me, you cannot judge a persons opinion about his issue right when you tell them. They might get angry, upset, confused, abusive but I doin think this is how they truly feel - its how they act after they get over the initial shock that matters. ANd they may not even be shocked after all anyway. My nan turned out to be my biggest fan, my one and only, truly original fag bangle. Actually in this case I think it was I who was her accesory. She was the bestest woman ever and still I miss her so much. No body can come close to her. Nobody ever did and nobody ever will. My grandfather was a star, as always, he told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I was happy. And I knew he meant it.

My mother was fine, like I knew she would be. The funny thing is that it would be years later that she told me that she had been in a lesbian relationship (it shoulda click, this woman, AUntie Georgina, lived with us for the longest time, she slept in the same bedroom as my mother and had a mullet). I shoulda seen it comin, I shoulda realised. And believe me, ya dont know how shocking being told about a persons gayness can be until ya heard it from ya own mothers mouth.

The same mouth that kissed you on the cheek when you left for school, is the same mouth that went right back upstairs and........no, its too gross.

I hate minge. Give me a cock any day of the week.

2006-03-10T15:14:00.000+09:00

Hey!

Im makin a few changes to my blog so it might look kinda ghetto for a bit.

Stick with me!!

Nxx

2006-03-08T14:01:00.000+09:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!!

I didnt forget!! Today is my boys birthday - he's 26 today!! Old man!! Just kidding!!

Have a fantastic birthday Mr and don't be worrying about no men with guns!! (oh, actually that was me)

Have lotsa fun, drink soooo much and dance, dance, dance baby!!

Nxx

Jag Hag

2006-03-08T09:59:00.000+09:00

I think I may have gone a bit over the top yesterday and been a bit too mean. It was a lil unfair of me to be such a cow. But it did make me feel a lot better. Blogger-therapy.

Also, last night, R was making a Jeopardy-like Quiz for school today. I had nothing to do, so I fell asleep for like an hour, got up, smoked a fag with her.....and then I was bored. So i decided to do some sketches. Every year we have an Art Exhibition in our Prefecture, and surprise surprise I didnt submit anything cos I left it too late. I really wanna put something in this year, so Ive just begun by mucking around and seeing what happens.

Hopefully I wont make a fool outta myself (yeh, right, thatd make a change!).

ScrapBook1

2006-03-08T09:58:00.000+09:00

2006-03-07T15:08:00.000+09:00

OK, so I kinda think that if I let out my bitchiness on my blog then, hopefully, I won't feel irritated around my friends and collegues. Like I was saying before, recently Ive found myself becoming really bloody irritated at people over the stupidest things. Im perfectly happy, not down at all, but sometimes, just sometimes I truly wish some people got a big ol' custard pie in the face. Maybe a just a lil bit more forcefully than necessary.

Oh my god, when did I become so violent?? I don't actually wanna hurt anybody myself, but sometimes I think it would be really satisfying to see certain people walk into a door or trip up.

Am I going crazy or becoming pyschopathic/sociopathic?? What with my strange fondness for stuffonmycat.com and all, Im worried Im gonna turn out to eventually be one of the bad gays. But as long as I can wear leather and shoot a gun, Im sweet.

No, seriously, Im not actually worried that I might be the next Jeffrey Dahmer - I dont like hurting anything, mosquitoes included, even though they're the fuckiest lil fuckers ever to be invented. When Ms T(hang) gets nasty creepy crawlies in her apartment, I always try to throw them outside rather than squish them (although one time, somehow, a huuuuge grasshopper found its way into the front porch bit of her apartment and I ran screaming into the corridor).

Enough guff - back to what I originally started writing this post for (I always get caught up in the Stream of Conciousness. Bastard) - I need to bitch.

So here we go:
Me and Ms Ryder Lotta-Cok and I have have nicknamed a certain Hamadian (is that what u call someone that lives in Hamda?? Whateva) 'FukFace', which if you knew him, you would understand because he CONSTANTLY looks dazed and confused by the mere trivialities of life. As if working out how to live, second by second is an ongoing struggle. For example, Im guessing, what a toothbrush is or what its used for. Its so gross- this one time he had mold between his teeth. I swear on a stack of Chanel - he smiled and he had green, skanky, gooey mold growing between the gaps in his teeth. Mold for Christsakes!! MOLD!!

His mouth is always open like a dumbass and he just looks so stupid, it makes you feel like you wanna do something really kind for him. Like put him down.

And the funny thing is Me and Ms T had the hugggggest crush on him before. Like so big. Now I look back and it just doesnt figure. I cant work out what the hell was happening to me. Maybe I was hoping that if I kissed him he would turn into a Prince.

The thing that broke me outta my crazy self-destructive loony tunes spell was not how he looked (its amazing what a gal can overlook in the throes of lust, and he doesn't look bad - just incredibly stupid), but his personality. Completely irresponsible, selfish, weak and self-delusional. He used to call us at all hours, even schoolnights, and expect us to be at his beck and call (esp. her). And god forbid that you ever upset him. This one time I got so pissed off and snapped at him, why did he call me - it was 4am and I had to sleep. Then I felt bad and emailed him. For the next hour or so he would reply to all my emails with nothing more than a crying face. This is before I realised how pathetic he is and I was genuinely concerned. But now I look back and think, what a child. Remember, this is a 26yr old man acting like someone just took away his dummy.

Another favorite of his was the way he tried to get to stay over one of our houses. He would call us up after he finished work (around 4am), even on schoolnights, and ask where we were and what we were doing. It doesnt take a genius to work out what either of us are doing at 4am on a schoolnight. Go figure. Then he would sound so sorry for himself and say he was gonna sleep in his car - and of course before we wised up to his attention seeking tricks, we always would invite him over.

And he would lie about the most banal things - things that are not even worth lying about. Like if we asked him where he was he would say at home and then we would find out later he had been out drinking or something. Like, why does this matter?? Why would we care?? But he lied about stupid stuff like that all the time nevertheless.

Like a child he wanted your attention and if he didnt get it he would act like a lil selfish spoiled brat. And then one day we wised up to him. We realised what his game was about and we stopped seeing him. We had had enough of the plays for attention, the crocodile tears, the tantrums.

Until recently.

He was fired from his job and Miss Thang (yes you!) decided to email him to see if he was OK. I think she still has a soft spot for him. So, anyway, blah blah blah, they end up getting in contact again. One night last week Im staying at her house and her cellphone starts ringing at around 4am non-stop for like half an hour. I told her to turn it off but she said she needed it on for her alarm. So now, we're wide awake and chatting but we're not gonna answer the phone cos its Fukface up to his usual tricks, right?? But we both stop talking at the same time and say, 'Did you lock the front door??'. Sure enough, neither of us had remembered to and as we said that we heard the door open, the sliding doors go back and someone come into the apartment. AT 4:30AM!!!! I mean we knew it was him but how fuked is that?? You don't just walk into somebodys house like that - esp if the last time you hung out was last summer. I would totally be up on anyone who did that to me - even my own mother, y'kno?? You just wouldn't do it. Anyway she got up and told him he had to piss off and I think he was really really embarrassed. Serves him right. We then heard him revving his car engine a million times and speed off down the road. Again, completely irresponsible as he had been drinking all night.

Last night he pulled the same crap. He said to the one and only Ms T that he was worried that we didnt like him anymore cos he wasnt working at that bar. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE US A BREAK!! I dont give a flying fig where he works - he could be shovelling shit for all I care. But he deludes himself thats the reason. Why would he even think that?? How shallow does he think we are?? No, it isn't because of the late night phone calls, your self serving attention seeking ways, your constant lying and pity parties of one. It isnt because you treat women like dirt, nor because you act like a spoiled child when you don't get your way. No none of that. We stopped having contact with you because you changed jobs. C'mon! What a crok of shit.

Goodbye Mr. Have a good life. And remember to brush - green is neva eva gonna be the new white.

FukFace RIP.

Suits you, Sir

2006-03-06T13:28:00.000+09:00

Maybe Im schizo, bipolar, pre-menstrual, whatever but the whole 'I-hate-Japan-it-sux-and-smells-like-fish-ass' phase that I was going through is done. I think. Definitely the change in weather has helped (its gettin frickin warmer, thank god) and also this weekend me and my very favorite Lil Miss Thang (the original - accept no substitutes), decided in the spirit of 'move on and up', to put our sunglasses on, roll the car roof down and road trip to Hiroshima.

If you hadnt already guessed Im being liberal with the truth here. We just sorta got up, maybe slightly hungova from the night before and wearing the same clothes that we (I) had slept in caught the Highway Bus to the City. Take it in sip it up, ya muppets, I do hope my degradation brings you some comfort. Bastards. Ooooh, yes, how the mighty have fallen. I may have to catch the bus now but at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I'll never look like you. Meow. Did someone say pussy??

Well funny you should mention that!!

We started off the night by going to The Shack. The food was pretty good (Chicken Fajitas), the Japanese Waiters were gor-geous but some of the other customers, I think its safe to say, had serious social problems. As in, the Canadian guy that we sat next to at the bar. Have you ever thought to yourself, after meeting somebody for literally 30seconds, 'you are a freeek, run along get your medication and leave me the hell alone'???? I think you get the picture. I swear to God, also, as I get older I get bitchier and bitchier. Like at the moment, Im finding soooo many people dull. I was talking about it with Ms Thang and shes feelin kinda the same way. Before I could smile and nod politely while thinking about how lucky I was not to be so bloody boring (or American (actually are they synonymous??)) but now I can't be bothered. I just wanna hang out witht the people that I find interesting. And bitch about how lame and/or retarded everybody else is. I know its awwwwful and Im hopin Im gonna grow outta it before I do seriously offend someone (if I havent already). Heres a hint: if I havent spoken to you about the dumbness and/or lameness of other people then I wonder what group you're in...........be warned

So getting back to the story. There was this foreign girl (meaning Western) at the bar. Her friends were sitting down and she was standing up eating a piece of fried chicken. And rubbing her stomach as if to say, 'Look how fat its making me!'. And sure enough it did make her fatter. It was plain to see. But this is in the same way as an egg changes a snakes shape when it swallows it whole. This girl was so skinny to begin with that even if she had eaten pea it woulda given her a paunch. She must feel righta home in Japan. The three of us were looking at her (me, Ms Thangy-Thang-Thang and Mr Wrong-in-the Head) because I had drawn attention to this (what Im guessing is a) rare and elusive sight when the girl turned to look at us. 'What??', she said sounding as guilty as the fat kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Quick as a flash, Mr Canadian-Shit-For-Brains said (about my Ms Thang), 'Nothing, she's just talking shit about you'. Now if theres one rule of fag-haggery its that no-one can make fun of Ms Thang apart from me. Its the rules. Ooooh, I wanted to slap him with a wet fish (actually Ms Thang mighta said that) but before I could say anything to diffuse the situation, her firend said 'You don't wanna fight her, she's tuff'. Despite thinking that a decent sized exhalation would knock Ms Can't-Go-Out-In-High-Winds off her feet, we left pretty quicky after that.

Yes siree, people sure are strange and I don't deal well with violence. Im liable to shriek.

We moved on and after looking for one bar and not being able to find it, we found ourselves outside the second choice on our list. And what a choice it was. Ms　Thang-elina opened the door and pushed me in cos she was scared. The door had no name and we couldn't hear anything from inside. She follows me in and, in a voice that I would imagin somebody finding the Holy Grail would use, said, 'Its a gay bar'. Now she isnt gay but I am and she knows how much I like men. Its sweet she was so excited for me. Mwah. But I honestly had no clue why she would think that so I asked her what made her say so. 'Look at the walls, dik', she replied. Sure enough, the walls were covered with paintings of fanny and cock. And the closer we looked around the more we saw. Fanny cusions, Penis pillows, replica willies on the tables. All in all a very classy establishment.

Im being a bitch! But the people were lovely. We met a really nice gal called 'Aya' and we're gonna hang out with her more, hopefully. And the guys that worked at the bar, Rashim and Chuura were cute too. Although I wouldnt do them. Ive made a promise to Michael. But they were pretty fun guys and we promised to go back there next time we go into town.

Afterwards, we went to a club, Chinatown, which was hosting a Okinawan-reggae night and included in the price ticket was an Aowamori nomihodai (all you can drink of an Okinawan strong Sake). Sure enough inside the clu the devastation was obvious. About 5 people dancing and lotsa dead people sprawled out on the floor. In the corners, on the stage, everywhere. Total carnege. I think Im exagerating a bit and I kno when Ms Thang reads this, she'll say to me, 'Bitch, there was maybe 3 or 4, not legions of the dead that you imply', to which I'll say, 'Hellllooo?? Earth to Never-Ending Wh-ory!! Im gay, its my perogative. The rainbow constitution tells me so'．To which she'll probably hit me or just look at me like I just shat on her mothers face. So we got wasted, danced our lil hearts out, got given a peanut by a strange man, then went home.

It was about 5am when we got back to the hotel, and we had to get up at 9. I was good for shit on Sunday and there was a dance party in Hamada that I couldnt go to. But I had the bomb time and wouldnt have changed it for nuffink.

It was the perfect weekend, the perfect antitode to my Living-In-Japand-And-My-Brain-Is-Starting-To-Leak Blues.

Curious and curiouser

2006-03-06T13:27:00.000+09:00

Curious and curiouser
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Birthday Shoes

2006-03-06T13:26:00.000+09:00

Birthday Shoes
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Aya-chan

2006-03-06T13:25:00.001+09:00

Aya-chan
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Its behind you...

2006-03-06T13:25:00.000+09:00

Its behind you...
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Hungry for love

2006-03-06T13:24:00.001+09:00

Hungry for love
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Dumb

2006-03-06T13:24:00.000+09:00

Dumb
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Too much fun makes me feel sick....

2006-03-06T13:23:00.001+09:00

Too much fun makes me feel sick....
Originally uploaded by natcas.

A Star Is Born

2006-03-06T13:23:00.000+09:00

A Star Is Born
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Oooh Cosmopolitan...

2006-03-06T13:22:00.000+09:00

Oooh Cosmopolitan...
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Elton has a sista....

2006-03-06T13:18:00.000+09:00

Elton has a sista....
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-02-27T00:16:00.000+09:00

Blog. Blog. Blog.
This weekend Ive done a lotta bloggin. I hope all my bored friends enjoy and appreciate the love.

Im at Rebeccas house now. Its gone midnight and I am super tired - she got sick, we dunno how, but she was feelin really bad so I decided to stay over. Shes sleeping now - I heated her up some soup but she couldn't even eat that poor babba.

So, Im gonna stay a wake a lil bit longer, and keep an eye on her. But I found this website - i dunno if I actually get it, but some photos are kinda funny. Its literally photos of stuff on cats. And in on, I mean on as in clothes and on as in....literally on.

I kno I shouldnt.
But I like it.

just a note: no cats were harmed in the makin of the website. I guess.
Oh come on - dont be so judgemental! Like you've neva stuk your cat in a dress or anything.

2006-02-27T00:13:00.000+09:00

2006-02-26T15:24:00.000+09:00

After going on a major downer about Japan, I thought it was about time I showed it some love too.
So here are a few of my favorite things,

not whiskers on kittens (I hate cats) or brown paper packages (suggesting: secret porn fetish or alcoholism), but

the Tokyo Subway (the seventh wonder of the world. No wonder the vassst majority of Japanese people are sooooo tiny - they need to be)

Brad Pitt in a kinda strange commercial for Edwin Jeans (Is he tryna do a British accent??)

and a street magician that gets dressed up like an old guy and takes his show on the road (I relly like the reaction of the girl that works in the food place (?) right at the end)

Japan, Japan, JAPAN!

2006-02-26T15:23:00.000+09:00

2006-02-26T15:03:00.001+09:00

2006-02-26T15:03:00.000+09:00

2006-02-24T15:07:00.000+09:00

'Every ghetto, every city and suburban place I've been, remind me of my days in...'

New Jerusalem??
(No, if I was singing those words I would actually be Lauryn Hill. And I aint, dumbass)

No, not New Jerusalem, but the real love of my life, Cardiff.

The three photos below are all of my incredible home town. The one at the top shows a water ferry in Cardiff Bay. I really, really like hanging out in the Bay. It was only developed maybe 8 years ago or something, but its a super fab place to go now. Really cool bars and restaurants. They even have an izakaya (Japanese stylee bar) run by this Cardiff fella and his Japanese wife. I went there before I came here and I remember thinking that the food was overpriced and most of it tasted fishy. So, in hindsight, authentic. My whole Japanese experience bottled up into one bar.

The 2nd photo is of the new Arts Centre that opened up in Cardiff in the past year. The last time I went home it was still being built - but apparently is been super successful so far. The Queen came to the opening and the design of the building as well as the events that have been staged there have apparently got fab reviews. I really wanna go. Another thing about being home is being able to go to the theatre whenever you want(how dahhhhhhling-esque does that sound?? But nah, I really do enjoy watching a play. ANd I miss frickin musicals!!!!).

The last pic is just a general one of Cardiff. I miss the green, and being able to see mountains and the incredible feeling of space - you can get outta the city, into complete countryside, sooooo easily and quickly. I know I live in the countryside here, but its like totally retarded countryside. Everything feels dilapidated and grey and ugly. Instead of working with what they got, the trees and flowers and geography of the land (for example planting increasing numbers of trees on hillsides overlooking roads to stop soil erosion which would help prevent landslides), they don't - the Japanese motto of land management seems to be, if it could be pretty tear it down, rip it up, and cover it in concrete. Take the example I talked about - soil erosion and landslides onto roads. Instead of taking the environmentally beneficial approach, they tear all the trees down, pull up all the plants, then coat everthing in a thick layer of concrete. Which leaves these incredibly common masses of depressingly grey and ugly concrete throughout the countryside. I truly believe that in Japan, some things are just done so that people can work. It reall seems that the Japanese government believes that to create work for its employees outweighs any other responsibilities. Maybe.

I know I am such a bitch. But I am on a downer at the moment. Homesickness makes me feel like everything about Wales is perfect, and Japan just sucks some major ass. Some major fish ass aprinkled with fish eggs and dipped in soy sauce.

Truly, I know it doesn't at all.

It just sometimes feels that way.

Sometimes it just feels that way.

2006-02-24T10:57:00.000+09:00

Nausea. Uber-emotionality (feeling like you wanna cry for no reason the one minute and puch the grunting-for-no-reason teacher the next). Food cravings. Binge Eating. Flatulence.

It can only mean one thing.

Yep, you got it, it's....

Homesickness.

(Apart from maybe the flatulence bit - I think I started to get a bit windy a while ago, but ewww, any excuse is a good one. Homesickness makes me windy is better than saying Im just a big fartypants, doncha think??)

Anyhow, I started to get homesick again. I dunno why, I really don't. But at the moment I am really missing Wales. I've been periodically homesick since I've been out here but I haven't had it like this for a while. Maybe it's been all the talking and thinking about going back home.

So I decided to comfort myself and make everybody else jealous (Welsh Envy is the new Penis Envy didnt ya kno. Wales is gender blind and was so sick of that ol' sexist crap-ism that it decided to do away with it. Now, guys and girls and anything else in-between, unite!! You are not angry because you don't have a penis (or because, fellas, you do have one but its soooo teeny tiny, incy wincy that you think you can make up for having no dik by acting like one), you are angry because you are not Welsh.

Don't fight it. Accept it. And learn to deal with it.

We're better than you. And always will be.

(Just a little aside - are you guys so stupid and self-obsessed that you think women act the way they do sometimes because they envy you having a penis?? Let me tell you a little home truth here, boys, and listen carefully. They don't. Because obviously having one decreases your IQ by, ohhh, I dunno, 110%. I'm sorry if reading this makes you angry fellas, that is if you can read this and you can keep your hands outta your pants, butthole, earhole or any other bodyily orifice long enough to focus, but it's true. I mean you guys watch football. And enjoy it for crying out loud.
If that ain't enough to convince any sane person that guys are inherently dumb, then I don't know what is.

And for you, Miss Thing, Miss Thang and Miss Thanger, don't you start bitching up on me. Yes I know I have a penis and that I am male. But Im special. There is always an exception to the rule. And you're looking at it. Welcome to Nathan's World. Bitch).

2006-02-24T10:55:00.000+09:00

2006-02-24T10:54:00.000+09:00

Snowdon - I love this place

2006-02-24T10:46:00.000+09:00

Oh, I miss the wide open spaces of Wales.

2006-02-24T10:44:00.000+09:00

Snowdon - the tallest mountain in Wales is here (Mt. Snowdon) and it's such a beautiful place.

2006-02-23T11:18:00.000+09:00

Obvously I have a vested interest in anything remotely-Philippine-esque, and I came across these pictures today.

The pictures and accompanying text basically explain how much of a mess the Filipino economy is in, and the fact that ordinary, evryday Filipinos feel the brunt of this - whether it be by living below the poverty line, having to give your baby up for adoption because of monetary issues or having to visit the infamous Manilan Soup Kitchens to get a feed everyday.

Click here:
An Economy In Crisis

I spoke to Michael again last night, and again he asked me to live in the Philippines. I said I didn't want to - I want to go home, begin a career, spend time with my family. Is that completely selfish of me? Asking him to give everything up, so that I don't have to? And if it is completely and utterly and totally selfish, where do we go from there? Should I comprimise? How?

Also, I think we'd have a better life in London. Or maybe a better standard of living I should say. I would find it difficult, I think, to live side by side with so much poverty. I went to the Philippines, but I didn't realise the extent of the problem until I looked at those pictures, read the info and looked at some other stuff on the internet. I think if I was faced with the reality of the situation day after day after day, it would crush me. I couldn't do it. It would make me feel too frustrated or helpless I guess. Maybe guilty or embarrassed is the word.

I think, like most Western people, I want to help those in need but I don't think I could deal with it in my face all of the time.
And I hate myself for it.

Smiley....

2006-02-22T12:20:00.000+09:00

Rockwell Photoshoot
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Last night was kinda ratshit.

Me and Ms Thang watched the last episode of Series 2 of the OC.
And like the big frickin fruitcakes that we are, we (ummmm maybe I shoulda written 'I' there. But Im pretty sure it was a mutual thing) were crying from the time that Kirsten was taken into rehab right up until the credits rolled.

Im tellin ya - its too much. Watching that show puts me thru the emotional wringer.

So, we did the only thing that two TV show-addicted, melodramatic Queens could do.

We went out for drinks.

We originally wanted G&Ts but they had a new menu at Rockwell, and holy hell, those new drinks can kik yer ass.

Both of us got a lil tipsy and ended up taking a gazillion photos of everything - from the sparkly coasters that we were given to use that changed colors (v. nice) to the waitress to the ashtray. Everything and anything was included in this impropmptu photoshoot.

Then I started taking a gabillion pictures of Ms Thang. And here are my faves. And she looks abso-frickin-lutely fab.

Mario Testino aint got nothing on me and my phone camera.

Enjoy.

Nxx

Rockwell Nights....

2006-02-22T12:12:00.000+09:00

Rockwell Photoshoot
Originally uploaded by natcas.

....Happy People

2006-02-22T12:10:00.000+09:00

Rockwell Photoshoot
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Angst in yer pants....

2006-02-22T12:09:00.000+09:00

Rockwell Photoshoot
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-02-21T13:51:00.000+09:00

'Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?'

For me??

Birthdays (presents - way yay!)

Easter (3 words Choc. Ohhhhh. Late)

Summer (If ya cut me open, it says Beach Baby all the way thru)

Halloween (hello?? Drag and....Choc. Ohhhh. Late. My fave holiday)

Christmas (more prezzies, mistletoe, Christmas parties, alcohol. Tis the season to be jolly, waaaaaaay)

Also (since coming to Japan):

Exam Time.

Unlike the other markers I use to count off the passing of the days, OC Exam time is not a particularly fave milestone stone of the year.

Like many other English Teachers over here, I have to make the OC test. And it truly sux.

Make it too hard, the kids don't get their OC test points (they need 35 in total to move up to the next year - combination of test points and points accumulated from continuous evaluation throughout the year) and thus, are all held back a year, all the other teachers blame me, gang up with the students and their parents and stone me to death.

Ok, so the reality would not be quite so dramtic I admit, but there is a some pressure from the other teachers to make the OC (Oral Communication) Exam a little easier because, I guess, it's not considered a 'real' or 'important' subject.

But ya kno, wot?? Screw them. Like many other foreign teachers here, I work my ass off planning lessons, making worksheets and teaching. So if those kids think they can have an easy ride they got another thing coming. And if the teachers think that the kids can get some easy points through OC they can frick right off.

I'm sure they don't mean, any harm but the little teachers' 'Please be kind to my students' faux joke routine isn't funny or cute or endearing. It's tiring. And it isn't gonna make me make the exam any easier.

You be bloody kind to the students, dikface, cos I AM kind to the students.

Kind in the sense, that they're not gonna be retarded after they finish school. Obviously some people have different priorities.

Plus when it comes to the frickin marking, I honestly come a teeny tiny breadth away from death. By boredom.

I seem to channel spirits. Or some otha kinda hooey (more commonly known as fallin asleep on the job - not literally the job. Ive only fallen asleep once on the toilet and that was in the Philippines). Truly, I don't know what it is but marking paper, after paper, after paper, after paper (u get the picture) puts me into some sorta trance (more commonly known as sleep). When I come to with a jolt, or a jump, or a grunt (or all 3), I see that I've left strange marks all over the paper I've been tryna mark. Words, sometimes pictures, lots and lotsa squiggles. I usually write words or draw pictures of the things Im dreamin about, which, as you can imagine, can leave me super red-faced (fortunately, the students can't understand. It means you did really well, I tell them, hopin they don't have a parent of sibling expert in the subject of reading English).

Anyhow, here's the thing, we've been revising the past coupla lessons and going over stuff that's gonna be in the Exam. Just this week I've been giving my kids a word test on 'Shopping' (my field of expertise, so forgive me if I get a lil territorial).

Today I was marking the short tests and I was reminded of one of the reasons why I love my job. I know my students are creative, and each time we do something like this, they exceed my expectations.

Here are some examples:

The various ways they tried to spell T-shirt:

T-suit

T-shayt-

T-swrts (don't even ask)

T-surts

T-shurs

T-siuts

and my faves:

T-shat

T-shats

T-shits.

Also, they were asked to spell purple, which they attempted in their own, unique ways:

porple (you too, crozy loidy, hey babe?! I added this on, the student actually didnt write this part. Sorry.)

parple

perple

perpul

peapul

purpul

purp

purpre

pouple

perpoul

paurpul

porpul

parpolu

peapl

And there were also the kids that took the yet more interesting approach:

porpou (is this French or something??)

parplu

prplo

The last example I'm gonna share (the others are too funny, Im gonna keep to myself!), is how they tried to spell jeans:

jense

zieenz

zeans

gernse

jeanz (old skool)

jenge (??)

geans

jiens

jenz

geazn

But I've saved the absolute best til last:

obviously we have a crack ho that has slipped into OC classe cos when asked to spell, T-shirt, jeans and expensive, this is what she came up with:

T-shart (as in Along Came Polly)

zens (keeping it nice and Buddhist-like)

expenciz (any way ya look at it, how does that come anywhere close??).

I *heart* them all, but ya can't help thinking,

So cute.

So funny.

So dumb.

(but Id beat on you if you said it about them. Wanna step outside??)

2006-02-20T15:09:00.000+09:00

For those of you who read my blog, on an even semi-regular basis, or those who know me, probably think I smoke, drink and talk about boys (read: ways to get and sex with....)
a whole lot.

In fact, too much.

But what you people fail to understand is that these are not addictions nor way to pass the time or relax. These things are integral to my way of life.

They are sacred.

Sacrosanct, even.

Boys.
Drinking.
Smoking.

The Holy Trinity of my life.

So in accordance with my strict and severely inflexible nathan-astic vows, Im gonna do a feature over a coupla blogs on all 3.
Today:

Feature #1:

Boys:
If talking about boys, thinking about boys or tryna get with boys was an Olympic Sport I think Id be right up there with Marion Jones (in her prime).

In other words, unbeatable (And if you Jokers think you can do better - Bring. It. On. The gloves are off).

I know thats a trite phrase to use, but seriously, I think I entered puberty a teenage boy and came out the other side a pre-pubescent teenage girl (complete with budding breasts and interest in the esoteoric. I don't know, blame Buffy).

I think about boys, non-stop, how I can get with them, what I can do with them and what they can do for me. Im not even spared when I sleep. I dream boys too (the most recent example being Rebeccas next door neighbour, not Daichi, coming into her house and snuggling with me on the futon. And I woke up with that feeling. Like we had a special relationship or something. And I know that when I see him next, a very special part of me is gonna feel all cosy like it did in that dream and then Im gonna feel kinda awkward but gonna wanna sex him too).

I even know, its not normal．Not even for a gay. Not even for the only gay in the village.

But come and obsess with me here for a minute, for I am the bearer of THE hugest news since Michael Jackson had a baby (for the love of God, that is just wrong. Imagine what it would do to you if you were brought up with the image of parental responsibility and maturity being that. Those kids are SERIOUSLY fuked):

Anyhoo,
Last week somebody asked me to marry him. And in all seriouseness, depending on what happens when he comes over in April, I think Im gonna go for it.

Now control your breathing, dont panic or scream. Remeber this is a happy event. Not a cause for concern. And before snippets of past comments Ive made about parenting dter you, read on (Molly Dolly and Rufus as well as the rule about the only clothes they can wear outta the house are tutus or pirate suits mean NOTHING here, bucko!)

Im gonna level. I never thought about marriage. It rarely crossed my mind, and when it did I dismissed it immeadiately. Even when I couldnt do it, I was only mildly bothered for 'No Dogs or Gays' related discrimination reasons. And then suddenly I could, and I wasnt enveloped in a white light or comleteness. I didn't feel a sense of well being. Nor did I feel that the world was suddenly full of wonder or possiblity. No Siree, no paradigm shifted for this ol' Queen.

I may have smiled. But thats all. I really didnt think I cared.

Being able to marry (in a sense), is of no consequence, Im still not the marrying type, I thought, and I never will be.

Im the floozy, the lush, the mistress. Never the wife.
Im more intereseted in the richer than the poorer, the health that the sickness. But if you marry, you're supposed to put up with all the bad crap and more.
Well, nah uh, if my fella ever lost so much that he couldn't even afford toilet paper, or got so sick he couldnt even wipe his own ass, (or even worse - both - he couldn't wipe his own ass with the toilet paper that he couldn't afford) I would be outta there quicker than you could say 'goldigger'.
I thought.

But then the paradigm shifted.
I slipped into some parrelell universe where it was possible that I might slip a different kinda ring onto my finger than per usual. A ring that had consequences (apart from having to wash your hands asap).
Somebody asked me to marry him.

And the strange thing is, I started to see how attractive marriage could be. The companionship, the strength, the happiness, the shared memories and experiences. Maybe because my mothers relationship with mine and my sisters' fathers' was mussed up, I never looked at what marriage could bring to a relationship. What it could do for a person. The potential positives were dismissed outta hand.

But the funny thing is, I think I want this.
The fact is that unless Me & Michael do this, we're gonna find it hard to be together for any period of time.
And I want that. I want to be with him. I want to give this thing a shot.
I would rather give it everything Ive got and fail, then never try at all.

And regret it for the rest of my life.

I've decided, 'Oh well...'s are better than 'what if...'s.

I know some people are concerned, but please support me.
I need this.
I really want to be with him. I can see times being difficult - the arguements, the tests of a relationship (farting in bed, me seeing him eat a tomato and nevertheless still want to kiss him), the viscious fights over the naming of our kids.
And the funny thing is, it doesn't scare me.

I feel like everything is gonna turn out right.

2006-02-15T14:49:00.000+09:00

Yesterday was a happy day for me. A super happy day.

I got a ton of chocolate (as is the tradition in Japan. On Feb. 14th only women give presents, almost always chocolate, to men). It seems that, in my school at least, I am a stud.

I wanna say that again.

I am a stud. S-S-T-T-T-U-U-U-U-D-D-D-D-D-D

15, 16 and 17 year old Japanese school girls think that I am the shit.
Hey Alanis, how about sticking that in your song!
I am living the dream. The heterosexual dream.
How much would a straight man pay, eh?? (E-bay, anyone??)

I think the students have hatched a plan to make me stay. If I ate all the chocs that I was given, I'd put on so much weight I wouldn't fit out the door.
Or maybe they're planning to fatten me up (even more) and eat me. I wouldn't put it past them. Sometimes I catch a look in their lil beady eyes.
We're gonna getcha, that look says, and we can wait as long as it takes.
We even have a Hannibal-sensei in Hamada (totally true - he works at the Uni)
I bet he taught them everything he knows.

Can you hear the lambs, Nathan??

I also had a fantstic phone conversation with my boy. It is the first time in three years, that I've actually had a Valentine on Valentines. So that spring in my step wasn't just part of a chocolate sugar induced rush.

I was feeling really good and upbeat about things. And I had the best talk with him. He made me laugh so much and just said some really cute things. No doubt about it now - he is the real deal, he is really into me and compared to the last few people I have been involved with, he is normal (which, believe me, is a good thing). Better than normal actually. Much, much better.

He is a star.
He is my star.
Mwah for Michael.

(Although a lil aside here - we had a tiny bit of a communication mix-up and things took a bit of a turn.
During the confusion, he thought I proposed to him. And he said yes.
And I tried to make him understand that I hadn't, but I don't know if he really did get the message.
I hope he did.
I am in such a mess.
I am such a mess.
And I drag all those around me into the drama.
Oh, well, he's gonna have to accept it and love it- sickness and in health and all that.
He doesn't know what he might've let himself in for.
Update soon.).

Birthday Boy

2006-02-14T15:37:00.000+09:00

Birthday Boy
Originally uploaded by natcas.

This weekend, it was Baby David's Birthday.

So, on Friday, to celebrate 25 years of non-stop hardcore sex, drugs and rock and roll, we went out on the town in Hamada. It was a lotta fun and thankfully, unlike last weekend, nobody puked, put their electric diary into the wash, passed out or sat in a curious scrambled egg type substance.

Success.
(But, just for the record.
There is no such thing as a GOOD egg. Eggs are evil. EVIL! There's a reason why hell smells like sulphur and sulphur smells like, blegh, eggs)

So much fun, that we did it all again on Saturday.
And it was just as much fun the 2nd time around.

Although I totally took advantage of this guy. He was sooo annoying and I let him know it, but like the alco-whore I am, as soon as he offered to buy my drinks I became his best friend.

I am a disgrace. Shame on me.
(But tequila tastes sooo good!! How can I say no??).
A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Me and baby David argue a lot, and wind each other up, but y'kno I actually think his heart is in the right place. In fact I know it is. I know that if I was in trouble he would be one of the first to lend a hand. He would do all that he could to help me out. He is a fantastic and kind and generous guy.
And for that I'm so grateful, that he's a friend.

We're both leaving in August, and if truth be told, I'm gonna miss him.

Happy Birthday David!!

Jigen

2006-02-14T15:23:00.000+09:00

Jigen
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Jigen owns a bar in Hamada.

A teeny, tiny bar.

But it's a pretty cool place to go. Even if they only have about 5 seats.

He's got a good heart and the best pimp coat since Puff Daddy.

Although I don't think he's working anything with this look.

Fucken Shitfaced

2006-02-14T15:19:00.000+09:00

Fucken Shitfaced
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Let me explain.

Ken came out with us on Saturday to help celebrate David's Birthday (Part 2).

It is so surreal: I met him two years ago. He came to Mizuho when I lived there, with a mutual friend, to an International Day that I held.

Then we lost all touch. And suddenly here he is again. At the invite of yet another mutual friend.

Small world.

Thought he was a cutie. He lived in America (LA) for a year and speaks fantastic English ("I'm fucken shitfaced" was a particular favourite).

But he's straight.
As a frickin' die.

Prom Queen

2006-02-11T18:59:00.000+09:00

Baby goes Solo
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Tonight is the night.
The inaugral Shimane 1957 Prom.
I couldn't go - which is sucky cos it's like the gayest thing I ever heard, and we don't have Prom in the UK, so I'm never gonna have my night at the Prom.
Ever!!
But my one and only Fag Bangle extraodinaire went, and isn't she just a picture?

She looks amazing, so beautiful and classy.

Bree Van Der Kamp - eat your heart out.

2006-02-10T12:06:00.000+09:00

Continuing on a theme, here's some topical links:

Photo Journal Of A Kyoto Geisha

In Pictures: Japan's Homeless
(This sounds really depressing but is actually an inspiring story. These are photos of a group of homeless people living in Osaka who set up a Homeless Association to help each other with day to day living. Take a look).

2006-02-10T11:46:00.000+09:00

I lived in the UK my whole life. I lived there for 21 years.
Now I live in Japan. I've lived here for nearly 3 years.

I don't know everything there is to know about the UK, even after 21 years, I don't even know the half of it.

And I certainly don't know a jot about Japan. I feel accomplished when I learn some new or tricky Japanese, or when I learn and understand something about the culture.....But just living here DOES NOT make me a Japanese expert. It helps me understand the country and culture better than the average Joe on the street, but it doesn't make me a Professor.

Here comes the bitch bit:

That's why I hate it when people (who shall remain nameless) who have been here 5 minutes assume that in the short period they have been here, they have undergone some sort of Japanese epiphiny that the rest of us haven't and as such have a divine understanding of the country, the people, the language and the culture. They have some sorta delusion that they have achieved a pure understanding, a spritual and deep understanding. A zen understanding. They are at one with Japan.

I have a message for those guys:

YOU. DON'T. KNOW. SHIT. YOU. POOR. POOR. DELUDED. STUPID. FOOL.

Obviously I am exaggerating and y'kno I don't know how they really feel or what they really think. But in writing this, I am thinking of one friend in particular. This person is quite a good friend and it's soooo frustrating, because obviously I can't say anything. But the things this person says and does would leave you speechless. Or wanting to bang your head against a brick wall. Or wanting to bang their head against a brick wall. This person acts as if they have a degree in JAPAN (the whole shaaaabang), while the rest of us are still painting with potato stamps at Kindergarten. Even though this person has only been here for a split second.

(Ooooh actually I just thoughta someone else that acts like it too....)

Sometimes I wanna scream at them.
Sometimes I wanna cry.
Sometimes I wanna slap them.
Sometimes I wanna tell them just cos they act superior, don't mean they are (especially if they can't put their money where their mouth is, if ya know what I'm saying)

But I don't.
I listen.
I chat.
I smile.
And I blog.

2006-02-08T15:28:00.000+09:00

Hey y'all,
This is the blog of one of my good friends - she's a fantastic writer and an even better poet.

She lived here in Hamada for a while teaching English, but decided that the lil ol' US of A is where it's really at. So she left us to go home (T_T)

And I miss her.

Check it out:
The Sneaky Tiki

2006-02-07T15:17:00.000+09:00

Last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I took part in the great, historical and downright cultural Japanese tradition known as 'English Camp'(cultural in the sense that I get all of the students to act downright gay (again a little clarification: by gay, I mean, I get them to act like me)).

Three days.
Of no school.

-no work
-no stress
-no problem.

Why, oh why, am I still surprised that the image I have of something in my head never ever ever even remotely resembles the reality of a situation?? What am I missing here?? When God was giving out brains, he forgot to give me the model that included 'reality check' as standard.

What was I expecting?? Palm trees?? White beaches?? Blue water?? Cocktails and massages??The thing is I even went last year and I still expected to finish this thing feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to get back onto the battlefield, that I know as 'Teaching-at-my-fisheries-school'.

Somebody slap me. Shake me til my senses return.

English camp?? You're going to English camp??

ARE YOU CRAZY!!??!!

Nathan. You. Can. Never. Go. To. Another. English. Camp. EVER. AGAIN.

Got that??

"You know it brings out an aspect of your character that you don't like.

An aspect of your personality that you try to hide.

A part of who you are that scares you."

Yes, it's true. I do have a side to my character that I don't like, a side that I try to hide, a side that scares me.

And it has a name.
I call it....

....Soccer Mom.....

At English Camp, an English Teacher (or Teachers) are put in charge of a group. You become the friend, brother, sister, mother, father, sun, moon to your group. Or maybe that's where my problem lies. Maybe that's just how I feel about it. Oh Lord, I start to feel responsible.
I do not deal well with responsibility. I tend to freak.

As soon as I meet my group, it starts. I can feel her clawing her way out,

Do better, kids!
Win, win, win!!
Losing is for pussies, pussy.

I always want the best for my kids, I want them to have fun and a fab time. But for me it becomes an emotional minefield. I get overly competitive, overly excited, overly sad if they lose or feel disappointed and overly protective. I push, push, push them to do, at the least, the best that they can (but preferably I want them to do more than that. Whacko?? Me??).

Luckily, the kids are always fantastic and this time was no exception.
Amazingly co-operative, enthusiastic, all round good eggs.

Even when I had made them rehearse, 'Oh Happy Day', for like 15 times in row, they didn't complain, but gave it their all.

And when they had had enough, they didn't tell me to bugger off they weren't practicing anymore but said they were busy putting on make-up instead.

They had every right to tell me where to stick 'Oh Happy Day'.

But they didn't.

So for Aki, Aika, Chisa, Sachi, Shin and Yukiko,

THANK YOU!!

For putting up with me even though I sometimes turned into a monster.
But just like the Hulk changing back into Bruce Banner, I've changed back now.

I'm normal again.

Me, Shin, Aika (bleary eyes - they woke me up to take this)

2006-02-06T10:43:00.000+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-02-06T10:42:00.000+09:00

Last week - Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - I took part in an English camp for a group of High School First years in the next town. Intense. Definitely intense. And tiring. But so much fun. And the kids were fantastic. I'll write a lil bit about it soon (when I ain't so busy)....

Aki ain't messin'....

2006-02-06T10:39:00.000+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Sister Koren steps it up....

2006-02-06T10:38:00.002+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Aika is a cutie....

2006-02-06T10:38:00.001+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Keepin' It Real....

2006-02-06T10:38:00.000+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Chisa's cunning disguise....

2006-02-06T10:36:00.003+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

My girls!! (l-r) Chisa, Aki, Aika)

2006-02-06T10:36:00.002+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Me & Sachi bitch you out....

2006-02-06T10:36:00.001+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Shin (aka Sister Koren)

2006-02-06T10:36:00.000+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Yukiko loves Cats

2006-02-06T10:35:00.000+09:00

Gotsu English Camp
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Happy Birthday to ME!!

2006-01-31T22:09:00.000+09:00

Happy Birthday to ME!!
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Yesterday, January 30th, Popbitch became one year older and wiser. 24 years old (those years have been hard on me!! Just look at my face)

Hah! Just kidding, I still got some swing in my step. So many things to do, countries to see, men to meet....

Popbitch by name....and nature

2006-01-31T22:08:00.000+09:00

Thanks to Rebecca, the faggiest bangliest best friend a gay could have,

for this utterly divine and yum Chocolate Cake!! She even iced it herself.

Popbitch by name....and nature
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-01-31T12:59:00.000+09:00

ps the pix below were all taken with my new cell phone and Im super happy - the pics are really clear. None of that shitty fuzziness and crap that all my (less cool) friends have to deal with on theirs.

2006-01-31T12:51:00.000+09:00

Nozza is adorable - looking all Janet Jackson-esque. Sexy Munchkin!!

That Jack thing (Nightmare Before Christmas, anyone?) that Rebecca is wearing is actually a purse on a string that you wear around your neck. We won them on those toy catcher things (in Japan 'UFO Catcher') that back home refuse to pick up anything weighing over a gram. And they call my kinda people limp wristed....bring on the UFO Catchers!! Actually me and Rebecca have an addiction to the purses on a string - I have a Gizmo (gremlins) one, a Stich (Lilo &..), a Jack (like in the pic) and a baby chick one.

What can I say?? It all started with a guy we met in the coin laundry....

Rythym Nation Nozza

2006-01-31T12:47:00.000+09:00

Rythym Nation Nozza
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Jack's Back....

2006-01-31T12:45:00.000+09:00

JACK....
Originally uploaded by natcas.

Looks like Roadkill

2006-01-20T15:21:00.000+09:00

Looks like Roadkill
Originally uploaded by natcas.

2006-01-20T15:19:00.000+09:00

Time to fess up guys, I have something important to tell y'all.
I'm sick.
Like diseased sick.
I don't know how I picked it up or what the prognosis is, but Ive known something hasn't been right for a while.

I don't know if you've heard of what I've got - its called Ugly.
My symptoms: Healthy, happy, young, sexy young man wakes up one day to find a lil piece of evil has taken root in his face and determined to ruin all chances of a) happiness b) getting laid by cunningly disguising him as a scurvy and/or herpes victim.

(Im just kidding ya! I am still, and always will be more attractive than your average bear, but some piece of gay hell is having a party on my face without an invite)

Look at the picture above.

What is that?? I mean, please tell me. That thing is on MY face yet I havent got a clue what it is or wants.

The options:

1) a spot. Uhhhhhh - no. I wish!!!! Like most people me and Mr acne have been firm friends since I started getting arse hair (because Im worth it) and this is not any kinda spot that I have ever had before. No head, nothing. Just a wet piece of skin and a scab. I can't bloody stand it - it just sits there below my lip being all soppy like, watering. Boo hoo for you NOW GET OFF MY FACE!! My friend Signe said there are a ton of different kinds of spots and this is just a type of spot thats caused by a build up of oil under my skin.
But heres the thing - this manky mangy wet scab thang has been doin its thing for well over a month. A MONTH!! AND it plays with me - it gets smaller, pretends it gonna be on its way, then suddenly gets itchy and huuuuge again. I am being psychologically abused by a scab. Now what does that say about me?? (Shuddup, K!)
In the Philippines it completely disappeared - completely healed over, everything - there was no evidence that I had ever had ANY kind of spot in my entire life. Then it came back.

2) Scurvy : don't think so. Actually I wouldn't have a clue if it was. But don't you get it from not eating enough vitamin C or something in citrus fruits or something. I think Im fine there - I suck a lotta lime.

It makes the tequila taste better.

3) Herpes - I swear to god I hope its not (touch wood). My mind is running wild now. I need to stop thinking and just chop my head off.

Whatever it is - it has to go away sooner or later, eh?? eh?? EH??

2006-01-19T11:48:00.000+09:00

I was speaking to my friend, A, recently. She just got back from India. I am so jealous - I only just got back from the Philippines and my feet are getting itchy already. And India is def a place that I wanna go back to and spend a bit of time.

Look at this - its cute and the pix are from the place in India where I went, Rajasthan:

Indian Postmen

2006-01-16T14:34:00.000+09:00

If you can't wait here's a link to our Filipino pix:

Hittin' It Up Filipino Stylee

Enjoy!!

2006-01-16T14:21:00.000+09:00

So I know that I have been a lazy arse blogger and not updated in like forever and this post is gonna be like uber short so don't get excited.

Just wanted to explain about the picture below. Those are two guys we met, Archie (left) and Brian (right), on Boracay. They work at a cool lil bar. I was soooooo interested in Brian (he even gave me the nipple dance) but there was still some doubt over his sexuality. And, knowing my luck and the choices that I seem to make, he probably is as straight as a line. Archie on the other hand, was as bent as a butchers and kept inviting me back to his place. And I said yes.

But lo and behold whaddya kno, they finish work (by which time we've moved onto another bar), they come to find me and, suprise bloody suprise, I was absolutely trollied and passed out on a table. You know what they say about being your own worst enemy and all??

Philippines update coming really soon - with all the juicy details!!

060105_0244~01.jpg

2006-01-08T15:02:00.000+09:00

060105_0244~01.jpg
Originally uploaded by misswilson79.